Tonight I went to dinner my with my best friend, Kelly, and her beautiful baby girl, Morgan.
I’ve mentioned before, but Morgan and I get along delightfully. I chalk it up to us both having super chubby thighs and eating everything in sight.
Also, most of the time Kelly has to act like my mother, since I tend to be a bit dramatic.
These days, I find myself getting a bit jealous of Morgan since she is getting taller and thinner. Must be nice . . .
I’ve found that for myself there is a fine line between grieving and moping. I enjoy being alone at this time, because I love thinking of my grandma and all the times I had with her. I almost enjoy feeling a bit ‘sad.’ But there are a few moments when I just don’t want to be alone.
There is something to be said about seeing a vibrant, cheerful baby after dealing with the death of a loved one.
Spending some time with Morgan, watching how alive she is, how happy she is, how beautiful she is – it really makes me appreciate the circle of life. We all have so much to live for.
Kelly and I were talking about saying ‘last goodbyes’ to loved ones before they pass away, and were wondering if anyone in my family feels that they did not say a proper goodbye.
My grandma had an all-star weekend before she passed. On Friday night she and my grandpa had a date night. Saturday, she spent the day with myself, my husband, and my parents, shopping at her favorite places and eating chocolate. That night before we left, she also gave my mom and I some items and dishes to have for our own homes – that truly brought her joy.
On Sunday, she went to church with my grandpa and spent the day at a friend’s baby’s baptism, where she celebrated new life. And on Monday, her last day here, she made my grandpa take her out in the cold to give communion to shut-ins in a local nursing home, and saw my dad, her first-born, a few hours before she passed away.
I have to admit, I am not necessarily sad that I did not say the words ‘goodbye.’ I think the last goodbye we shared was one of the most memorable day’s I have ever spent with her. Sometimes I wish that I had told her more of how I felt about her – how selfless and amazing she was, what an incredible role model she is, and how she makes me want to be a better person, daughter, wife, and someday, mother.
I am the most sad that my dad no longer has a mother here. Because, let’s be honest – there is no one else in the world like your mom. And after my grandma, my dad is probably my next favorite person on earth.
And while it is hard to lose someone so suddenly – someone who was so full of life – I think most of us are just incredibly grateful that we got to spend so much of our time, lives, and memorable moments with her, because so many are not that fortunate.
These beauties made me feel a little more alive tonight, a little less empty, and little more excited about what my future holds.
I can’t really imagine much of my future with my grandma, but I can’t stop it from happening either.
I will say that I feel ‘safer.’ I feel like she is literally watching over me. I feel like she will always make sure I am alright and everything in my life is alright, even when it may not always be easy.
And that’s a nice feeling to have.