I have always wanted to be artsy. I’ve always secretly wished I was a Martha Stewart-like domestic goddess who could sew her own throw pillows and make a fancy trinket out of old items hanging out in my linen closet.

Last week, Jenny posted these glittery pumpkins on Amanda’s blog and I thought they were so super cute. I love fall decorations and I especially love glitter, so of course this caught my eye.

I thought, I can easily do this! And even better… What an economical little craft!


So I dragged myself to Michael’s and bought the required supplies. I picked up this cute little pumpkin:

And I already had a Sharpie in my bag of tricks, so I didn’t need to buy that. I drew some squiggly lines on said pumpkin. A preschooler could have drawn better squiggles.

Notice I didn’t buy the proper pumpkin, because I thought I could be fancier. When will I learn? Drawing on this lumpy, bumpy pumpkin was not easy.

And I bought some black glitter… the Martha brand of course. Because speanding $5 for a tiny tub of Martha glitter will make my crafting abilities greater than if I just bought some generic stuff.

I love the color black and I love glitter.

What I failed to pick up? The paint brush. I figured I could do without one. I was really trying to be economical and save myself some money on this little craft.

Don’t follow my lead.

This is what happens when you have no patience and choose to ignore instructions:

So I have no paint brush and nothing that even resembles a paint brush anywhere in my house. Because I obviously thought I could do this without following the directions.

But what comes to my rescue? One of my beloved makeup brushes.

I have about 6 of these. I have a slight makeup and beauty product obsession. I’d like to share more at a later date. How do you feel about that?

But for now, just know that this makeup brush saved my disaster pumpkin from becoming even more of a… disaster.

By this point, I just wanted to get the pumpkin over with. My patience had worn thin. Not that it had ever been thick, but still. I was pacing. I was hungry. I was ready to throw a Mr. How Sweet-sized tantrum.

So I cleaned it up the best I could, tried to set it at a fancy angle, and snap a few pictures.

I was actually going to try and tell you a little fib. Tell you all that this craft worked out perfectly if I could just get a nicely angled shot.

But then I looked a little closer… and it just looked a mess. Who am I kidding? I’m only showing you this side for a reason.

And I think Mr. How Sweet’s face said it all when I excitedly told him that, I made a craft for our house! It’s a pretty decoration! It’s on on the bar. Go bring it out.

[Sidebar: Even though I have no evidence of it, I swear Mr. How Sweet wears shirts with sleeves. Sometimes.]

This isn’t even a posed shot. I grabbed the camera while he went into the other room to grab the pumpkin, and he walked out looking like this.
His response? So you bought something… just to do that to it?
And then, Well, it would have made a better story if we had kids. Because then we could have said that our 2-year old made it.

Why, oh why can’t I be crafty? I don’t have the eye for it. I don’t have the hand for it. And I certainly don’t have the attention span for it.

This, my friends, is why I just buy decorations.

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81 Responses to “Why I Don’t Do Crafts.”

  1. #
    Mansee — October 13, 2010 @ 1:31 pm

    I absolutely adore the fact that you spent $5 on Martha Stewart glitter, but chose to forgo the paintbrush to be economical. Totally something I would do!


  2. #
    Angela @ Eat Spin Run Repeat — October 13, 2010 @ 1:31 pm

    Hehehe this made me laugh! I think it actually looks good considering you didn’t have a paint brush – I certainly wouldn’t have been able to do a better job! That was very brave of you to sacrifice a MAC brush for the cause :)


  3. #
    Amanda — October 13, 2010 @ 1:35 pm

    Jessica!!! You *crack* me up girl! :) I can’t believe you used your Mac brush! lol! I think it looks awesome and WAY better than I could’ve done. Jenny is a DIY darling! LOVE the fancy pumpkin. :)


  4. #
    Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun — October 13, 2010 @ 1:36 pm

    I think its pretty! Better than I could do thats for sure!


  5. #
    Bianca @ south bay rants n raves — October 13, 2010 @ 1:36 pm

    Girl don’t get me started! My in laws are all very crafty! At family get togethers they all whip out their latest project: a quilt, needlepoint, crochet & talk about their progress. Me? I’m the writer, guitar player, figure skater & cook…but not crafty. Ironically enough I decided to make my halloween costume this year.


  6. #
    Andrea @ CanYouStayForDinner.com — October 13, 2010 @ 1:36 pm

    Hey I think it looks pretty awesome! Loooove glitter. I once glitter glued my entire bedroom. I wish I could say it was in my youth.


    • Jessica — October 13th, 2010 @ 1:39 pm

      Ummm… I would like to do that now.


  7. #
    liane — October 13, 2010 @ 1:37 pm

    I don’t do crafts either… but I do enjoy watching my crafty friends get all covered in glitter, use special scissors, or generally just freak out because they can’t get their embellishments to sit “just right” on their homemade cards, while I sit a few feet away drinking a glass (or two, ok let’s be honest, a bottle) of wine.

    Being in the same room counts as “crafting” in my book.


  8. #
    Elizabeth — October 13, 2010 @ 1:38 pm

    I like your pumpkins anyway!! :) Not that you asked, but I think that the biggest thing your pumpkin is missing is the glittered stem to pull it all together.


    • Jessica — October 13th, 2010 @ 1:41 pm

      I totally agree – I was too crafted-out to finish it off.


      • Elizabeth — October 13th, 2010 @ 1:54 pm

        I totally understand being crafted out – I donated several lumpy and unfinished knitting projects to a local craft group after they festered in my family room for more than a year. I’m not sure if they recycled the yarn into better projects or framed them as reminders of failed knitters who have gone before.

  9. #
    Camille — October 13, 2010 @ 1:41 pm

    Mr. How Sweets face kills me! I’m not patient enough for crafts either. It’s overrated anyway. ;)


  10. #
    Rachel (Two Healthy Plates) — October 13, 2010 @ 1:42 pm

    Lour husband’s have the same face…haha


  11. #
    Kelly Michelle — October 13, 2010 @ 1:42 pm

    oh man I long ago gave up on crafts. They look perfect in my head and then I try them and all hell breaks loose and they look like crap and then since I am a perfectionist I get angry and then I am in a bad mood and throw a tantrum and upset everyone around me who just wants to punch me and it really just never ends well. Pier 1 is my friend.


    • Jessica — October 13th, 2010 @ 2:15 pm

      Yes. This is it. Exactly.


  12. #
    Amanda (Two Boos Who Eat) — October 13, 2010 @ 1:46 pm

    I don’t think it looks bad at all! I seriously can’t do a craft to save my life. So sad.


  13. #
    Kacy — October 13, 2010 @ 1:47 pm

    Hahaha, I love this. I fail at all things craft-related. You did much better than I would have.


  14. #
    Chicago Cuisine Critique — October 13, 2010 @ 1:48 pm

    Cute post! It’s the thought that counts, right? :) Also, glad you splurged on the Martha Stewart glitter..it was a must!


  15. #
    Anna @ Newlywed, Newly Veg — October 13, 2010 @ 1:49 pm

    Ahhh, this post just made my afternoon. The expression on Mr. How Sweet’s face is priceless :-)


  16. #
    mags — October 13, 2010 @ 1:58 pm

    Actually, I think it’s quite cute! Plus, hang on to the thought that you totally impressed the people behind you in line at Michael’s when they saw you were buying “Martha’s” glitter. They were obviously in the presence of a true professional.


  17. #
    Heather @ Side of Sneakers — October 13, 2010 @ 2:06 pm

    I think it looks fabulous ;)


  18. #
    Shanna @ Shanna Like Banana — October 13, 2010 @ 2:07 pm

    I think it turned out pretty great!


  19. #
    Lisa @ I'm an Oie — October 13, 2010 @ 2:14 pm

    I think it looks great! however I have no patients for crafts either. Way too frustrating!


  20. #
    Maren — October 13, 2010 @ 2:47 pm

    I think it’s so cute Jessica! And if you enjoyed doing it, you should do more crafts! It was fun to read about it! and I’m sure Mr. How Sweet would LOVE to see all of your creations! I can just tell by the look on his face! :)


  21. #
    Mary @ Stylefyles — October 13, 2010 @ 2:52 pm

    k, I actually think yours turned out pretty cute!


  22. #
    Chrissy — October 13, 2010 @ 3:13 pm

    First of all, I was giggling like crazy at this post so much that my boyfriend came out to see what the fuss was about. Second of all, I think your pumpkin is cute. I love that you used your makeup brush, that was hysterical! Thirdly, I love crafts but I suck at it. Solution? I do children’s crafts. Nope. I am not lying. I paint suncatchers, I made a garden stone for my mom… LOL. I learned to knit too. The cool thing about knitting is you can learn. You don’t have to be naturally good at it. Loved this post, keep ’em coming!


  23. #
    Sarena (The Non Dairy Queen) — October 13, 2010 @ 3:15 pm

    Cause crafty can be fun too! I think it is cute!


  24. #
    Emily — October 13, 2010 @ 3:19 pm

    Aw, I love Mr.’s expression, looks like something my SO would do. I am the same way. I try so hard to be crafty and get ‘inspired’ ( I saw those pumpkins on her blog and was going to,……..but didnt have time. Haha…..), but it ends up failing, I get frustrated, then mad at spending so much darn $$ on the craft supplies, paint, etc. I will probably not use again. Or for a while…….

    until I see the next ‘inspiring’ thing I was to try. Haha.


  25. #
    Wei-Wei — October 13, 2010 @ 3:25 pm

    Bahhahahh Mr How Sweet’s face in the last one! I actually think it looks kinda cool.


  26. #
    Katie @ Healthy Heddleston — October 13, 2010 @ 4:00 pm

    Aww it really does look okay in the pictures!


  27. #
    Alexandra — October 13, 2010 @ 4:12 pm

    Aww! I think it turned out already! Honestly I kind of like it with the drippy parts… gives it a sort of cute but spooky look to it!!!! This has inspired me to do some pumpkin crafting… but I’m thinking maybe just a pumpkin covered in a glitter glaze. I have a tendency to underestimate the difficulty level of crafts too :-)


  28. #
    chelsey @ clean eating chelsey — October 13, 2010 @ 4:16 pm

    hahaha this was too funny – I actually think it looks really cute. You could have fooled me! And don’t worry about Mr. Sweet not wearing sleeves. The Husband never wears a shirt… sometimes I beg him to.


  29. #
    Cara Craves... — October 13, 2010 @ 4:46 pm

    Well at least you made an attempt!


  30. #
    Paige @ Running Around Normal — October 13, 2010 @ 4:53 pm

    omg you crack me up!! I don’t “do” crafts either, it’s all right. I so very much wish that I did, alas, my pumpkin would look far worse than that. I think it looks pretty ok actually! Even pretty good! :)
    Mr. How Sweet’s face is classic ;)


  31. #
    Alison — October 13, 2010 @ 5:00 pm

    Please talk about makeup, that would be fun! I know very little, but just enough to wince at using a MAC brush for crafts. ;)


  32. #
    Jenny@boxandb — October 13, 2010 @ 5:08 pm

    Jessica! Your pumpkin looks great and I love the shape of it. I like the Martha Stewart glitter too. I use that when I completely cover a pumpkin in glitter…I don’t know why I didn’t think to use it on the swirl pumpkins. Good call!


  33. #
    Yum Yucky — October 13, 2010 @ 5:13 pm

    Carve it out as a bowl to hold your chocolate cobbler. It’ll be a masterpiece.


  34. #
    Tiffany — October 13, 2010 @ 5:24 pm

    I think your pumpkin is beautiful! I made a similar one at a work pumpkin-decorating contest a few years ago. I just used glitter puffy paint and stuck little gemstones at the end of the swirls.


  35. #
    the country cook @ Delightful Country Cookin — October 13, 2010 @ 5:50 pm

    Hahaha! I’m a wanna-be-crafter too. I can do structured crafts – things like cross stitch – but anything that requires an artist’s gene is lost on me.


  36. #
    Katie — October 13, 2010 @ 5:54 pm

    Ahahaha, Mr. How Sweet’s face is too good! I can see the same thing on Meeker’s face if I tried to craft something. I also hate crafts – which is why I only do them in my classroom because then I can always say “a 3rd grader made it” – if I fail, but in reality, mine always look pretty good next to theirs. Win, win.


  37. #
    Jane B — October 13, 2010 @ 6:13 pm

    I think it actually looks pretty awesome! The drippy bits add to the “spookiness”. Mr How Sweet’s face is priceless.


  38. #
    Naomi(onefitfoodie) — October 13, 2010 @ 7:00 pm

    i think I like the idea of being crafty and i really do try, but like you i often dont read instructions nor do i have a whole lot of patience so I just do my thing and if it turns out well then thats a bonus!


  39. #
    Kath — October 13, 2010 @ 7:51 pm

    I am not crafty, either, Jessica! Crafts were right up there with camping when it came to stress when I was a Girl Scout leader!


  40. #
    Diana @ frontyardfoodie — October 13, 2010 @ 8:15 pm

    haha that’s so adorable. I suck at crafts and am quite sure I will never be good. I tried pumpkin decorations the other day and it wasn’t pretty.


  41. #
    Heather (Heather's Dish) — October 13, 2010 @ 8:38 pm

    hey, some crafts are better than NO crafts, which is what our house is currently decorated with!


  42. #
    Kristy — October 14, 2010 @ 4:48 am

    It turned out GREAT! The other day I saw one where they painted the pumpkin black and did those type of lines in white. Very very cool my friend! :-)


  43. #
    Kat @ Living Like the Kings — October 14, 2010 @ 5:37 am

    hahahahahaha This is hilarious but honestly, it didn’t come out looking so bad at all! From a good angle it looks PERFECT.


  44. #
    megan @ whatmegansmaking — October 14, 2010 @ 5:47 am

    ha! you crack me up. this is exactly how I feel about those dumb cookies I’ve been trying to decorate. I love the idea, it looks great in my head, even the outlining/flooding goes great. But the actual decorating? That’s when i remember that I can’t even draw on paper, let alone with a piping bag. And by that point I am so sick of these time-consuming cookies that I have lost all patience. I just swore to my husband the other day “I am never making cookies again – ever!” He just smiled at me and ate one. So all that to say, I totally understand what you’re saying.


  45. #
    Erica — October 14, 2010 @ 5:49 am

    Awww that pumpkin is too cute…literally! I think it looks awesome! I love the reaction from the hubby to funny!


  46. #
    Jihane (Sinful Sundays) — October 14, 2010 @ 5:58 am

    LOL! Did you seriously use a MAC brush? Those bad boys are way too expensive to be dipping in glue like that. And perhaps you were just kidding, but I’d like to see your brush collection. stuff like that interests me…lol


    • Jessica — October 14th, 2010 @ 6:04 am

      I did use it, and yes, I have cleaned it THOROUGHLY since. I hope I can use it again.

      And I wasn’t kidding! I am a makeup fiend. I will share soon.


  47. #
    Amanda — October 14, 2010 @ 7:03 am

    You are so precious dear Jessica. I know exaclt how you feel! SOmetimes I see stuff and think, “Oh, I can do that!”

    I SOOOOOO cannot do that. :)

    Be blessed-


  48. #
    Kim in MD — October 14, 2010 @ 7:32 am

    You won’t buy a paintbrush but will sacrifice a MAC make-up brush??? You are too funny, Jessica! Anyway, I think the pumpkin turned out really great! :-)


    • Kim in MD — October 14th, 2010 @ 7:34 am

      Oh- I forgot to add that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your beautiful round side table! I was so distracted by the table when I first saw that photo that I almost didn’t see the pumpkin! ;-)


    • Jessica — October 14th, 2010 @ 7:42 am

      I know. I’m kooky.


      • Kim in MD — October 14th, 2010 @ 1:51 pm

        You crack me up! :-)

  49. #
    Mr. How Sweet It Is — October 14, 2010 @ 8:36 am

    Even after you purchased the pumpkin and the $5 jar of glitter and scrapped a MAC brush, were you still thinking, “What an economical little craft?” Because if you were we need to have “that” talk about money. Again.

    Also, this pumpkin decoration is cute in that all-the-kids-get-a-ribbon kinda way. You know, like in 6 year old t-ball how there are no winners and no losers. Yeah, this pumpkin is cute like that.


    • Caitlin — October 14th, 2010 @ 9:02 am

      This comment alone made me laugh so much. You two are hilarious.


      • Kim in MD — October 14th, 2010 @ 1:52 pm

        I know, right? You two are hysterical! :-)

  50. #
    Rose in Ohio — October 14, 2010 @ 8:48 am

    Don’t you dare diss that little pumpkin! I know a good-looking craft when I see one, and I think you did a remarkable job for your first try. (I’m seriously craft-challenged–that’s why my basement “storage” room is full of ruined and/or unfinished crafts hiding in lumpy bags and smashed boxes. I’m saving them for the next white elephant gift exchange at work, at which time I will choose one of them and spray it down with metallic gold paint. Someone is going to be so awestricken.)



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