Last Saturday

Me: I made red velvet brownies! You have to try them.

Mr. HS: No. *shakes head*

Me: No? Not even a bite? You won’t even taste them?

Mr HS: No.

Me: Are you kidding me? Not even a taste?

Mr. HS: No! Because I’ll want to eat then entire pan. I can’t stop at one taste! *gnaws on a chicken breast*

Me: Well, this can be a good lesson in moderation?

[Later that evening.]

Me: Just a bite. Please? I need you to tell me if they are good!

Mr. HS: No! *shakes head*

Me: Seriously. Are you kidding me? Just take a taste. *cuts a brownie*

Mr. HS: Why do you do this to me, woman? *eats brownie*

Me: Good?

Mr. HS: &$%#! They are amazing. That’s it. No more. *eats a second brownie*


Me: I gave the brownies to Andy.

Mr. HS: What?! Why? *gives a look of death*

Me: Because you said you didn’t want to eat any! I didn’t want an entire pan of brownies to myself!

Mr. HS: I can’t believe you gave them to your brother. You never make me anything.

Me: You’re an old man. You must forget.


Mr. HS: Jess… do you think you could make those red velvet brownies for me on Saturday?

Me: Really? Are you craving them? Did you like them? *is annoying*

Mr. HS: Yes. They were amazing. That is my favorite baked good. They were so… dense.

Me: Sure, I’ll make them! *desperately craves positive reassurance since she is the first born*

Mr. HS: Great. Because I’m not holding back Saturday. I’m working out so hard this week. I’m doing legs Saturday. I’m going to town on those brownies. And I’m gonna eat a lot of roast beef at the gun bash buffet (don’t ask). And then I’m just gonna kill those brownies. No holding back. Tons of Diet Coke. I’m gonna eat soooo much. I’m probably going to eat the whole pan. I don’t even care. I’m going to eat so much protein, and then that entire pan of brownies. Yep. I can’t wait. You pickin’ up what I’m throwin’ down?

Me: Uhhh… sure. You’re so weird.


Me: I made the brownies!

Mr. HS: YES! I can’t wait. Let me eat these two stuffed peppers, two chicken breasts and bowl of mashed potatoes for lunch, then I’m gonna kill those brownies.

[30 minutes later]

Mr. HS: Oh my gosh. These are the best brownies ever. They are so good. Just the way I like them. Where is my Diet Coke? *eats the first row of brownies*

Me: Can I wrap them up now?

Mr. HS: Oh yeah. I’m done.

Me: Just for now, right? I’ll leave them here on the counter so you can eat them later.

Mr. HS: No. I’m done.

Me: Done? Like, you’re done eating these brownies today?

Mr. HS: Yeah. No more. No more this weekend.

Me: WHAT? What happened to “oh, I’m such a manly man, I’m gonna kill these brownies, blah, blah, blah.” You’re DONE? Why did I made an ENTIRE pan of brownies for you to eat about four of them? What am I supposed to do with all of these brownies?

Mr. HS: I don’t know. But I’m full. I’m gonna finish my Diet Coke, put on a shirt without sleeves and take a nap while watching NASCAR.

So this is what I’ve been doing since yesterday afternoon.

Because quarter inch slices don’t have any calories.

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86 Responses to “A Conversation.”

  1. #
    Alison (Fueling for Fitness) — March 6, 2011 @ 10:03 pm

    oh my goodness….best conversation ever!!!! hahaha


  2. #
    Mandy — March 6, 2011 @ 11:08 pm

    I don’t comment a lot, but your blog is my favorite because of posts like this. I wish I lived next door to you guys so I could hear more conversations like this (and get some leftovers!!!)


    • Jessica — March 7th, 2011 @ 1:15 am

      I wish you did too – then I could get rid of these brownies!


  3. #
    Amy at TheSceneFromMe — March 6, 2011 @ 11:20 pm

    I could slosh down a pan of those bad boys right now I believe! They look so delicious. My husband asks me to make things but its never anything sweet. He’s not in to sweets, so when I made desserts I am always the taste tester!


  4. #
    Brianna — March 7, 2011 @ 12:32 am

    hahaha I love the little slices…I totally do the same thing, but I do it all in one sitting. I just stand there and eat sliver after sliver, and then I either have a really bad stomach ache or the brownies/pie/cheesecake is gone. I love it.


  5. #
    Lara — March 7, 2011 @ 12:38 am

    That totally sounds like my hubby!!!


  6. #
    Maryea {Happy Healthy Mama} — March 7, 2011 @ 12:45 am

    Your husband has waaaaay more willpower than mine does. My husband would weigh 350 pounds if he was married to you. He seriously inhales any baked goods I make within a day. I guess it’s good for me so I’m not tempted.


  7. #
    Courtney (Pancakes & Postcards) — March 7, 2011 @ 12:46 am

    Haha. Edging the cake. It’s so true–they don’t count.


  8. #
    Chicago Cuisine Critique — March 7, 2011 @ 1:54 am

    Haha. I love this. Too funny. All I can say is. Men! :)


  9. #
    Kat @ Living Like the Kings — March 7, 2011 @ 2:01 am

    HAHAHAHA I am seriously dying laughing Jess. You two are hilarious. And yes, quarter pieces don’t count.


  10. #
    chelsey @ clean eating chelsey — March 7, 2011 @ 2:07 am

    You know what else doesn’t have calories? 1/2 inch slices. It’s true – go in for the kill.


  11. #
    Honey @ Honey, What's Cooking — March 7, 2011 @ 2:34 am

    hahahahaha, i loved the ending.
    that’s my philosophy. I baked reduced fat desserts which do really take like the real thing, but i’ll keep picking at it. desserts are my biggest weakness.


  12. #
    Helena — March 7, 2011 @ 8:53 am

    That quarter-inch-slice thing is way too familiar!


  13. #
    Paulette — March 7, 2011 @ 11:54 am

    I can relate to this story. No matter what I make, cake, cookies, awesome dessert, hubby will say no. Will not taste them, too rich, says he’s gaining weight wants me to quit using him to test my creations. So I give them away and he cries like a baby and then I have to make more. Go figure. Paulette


  14. #
    Nicole — March 7, 2011 @ 12:09 pm

    Oh god, just send them over to me! Pretty sure this is my favorite dessert ever.


  15. #
    Norma — March 7, 2011 @ 12:17 pm

    Too stinkin funny. My hubby decided this time while watchig NASCAR that Almond M&M’S would be just fine. I mean it does have that almond you know and after Strawberry cupcakes with Buttercream he needed those almonds. What will it be next week? Cause we arent having baked chicken for dinner right after the race. Something healthy and yummy.


  16. #
    Rivki Locker (Ordinary Blogger) — March 7, 2011 @ 12:44 pm

    Hilarious. I subscribe to the same theory – calories don’t count if you eat them in slivers. Or if you grab them off someone else’s plate. Or if you’re eating someone else’s leftovers. :)


  17. #
    Allyson — March 7, 2011 @ 2:18 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh my gosh! That is so freakin’ funny!!! And you’re right…quarter inch slices are calorie-free, fat-free, and super healthy for you! (at least they are in my delusional little world.)

    I have only been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now, and I just love it! Great humor and really great food!! Thanks for makin’ my day brighter!!


  18. #
    megan @ whatmegansmaking — March 7, 2011 @ 2:43 pm

    I LOVE this post :) Your husband cracks me up. my husband has so much more self control than I do. I have none. I eat lots of quarter inch slices. I have no willpower.


  19. #
    Andrea — March 7, 2011 @ 3:26 pm

    You two are hilarious.


  20. #
    Kristen — March 7, 2011 @ 3:44 pm

    hahah love this conversation (but Im sure it was a bit annoying to you)
    Also, your brownies look delicious- feel free to send them to my house! haha


  21. #
    Abby — March 7, 2011 @ 3:55 pm

    hahahahahah!!! You two crack me up!!

    I made the brownies on Thursday..didn’t touch them until Friday night wiht our guests…and they were all gone by Sunday. SO GOOD. I think I need to make more!


  22. #
    janetha @ meals and moves — March 7, 2011 @ 9:37 pm

    hilarious. and you are totally right. no calories.


  23. #
    Kathleen @ Kat's Health Corner — March 7, 2011 @ 10:16 pm That was sooooooo funny! I am totally sharing this with people! :D

    Girl, I LOVE YOU!



  24. #
    Jordana R — March 7, 2011 @ 10:28 pm

    Can I just say i absolute love your blogs?! I literally check it daily to see what new stuff you have posted.. it’s like second only to my FB addiction! You two are hilarious


  25. #
    Jordana R — March 7, 2011 @ 10:28 pm

    absolutely** love your blogs lol


  26. #
    natalie (the sweets life) — March 7, 2011 @ 11:23 pm

    okay I’m glad my husband and I aren’t the only couple with these issues :) I could’ve written this conversation between you and Mr. How Sweet. Love it!


  27. #
    Kelsey @ Clean Teen Kelsey — March 8, 2011 @ 4:15 pm

    Oh my goodness, you are so funny!! I loved this post. I know what you mean about quarter inch slices… I do that sometimes. :P


  28. #
    Michelle — March 10, 2011 @ 1:00 am

    This made my day…So hilarious!


  29. #
    Jessi @ Quirky Cookery — March 12, 2011 @ 5:21 pm

    Lol! How sweet you are for making him the brownies although I’m sure you knew in advance he probably wouldn’t kill the whole pan in one sitting. Maybe anyway, hehe.


  30. #
    Heather @ kissmybroccoli — March 20, 2011 @ 12:32 am

    Oh my gosh, how in the world did I miss this post?! Hilarious Jess! Flippin hilarious!

    “I’m gonna finish my Diet Coke, put on a shirt without sleeves and take a nap while watching NASCAR.” Bahahaha! I’m seriously dying here!


  31. #
    Olivia — March 25, 2011 @ 10:52 pm

    Oh my flipping gosh, this story was histerical!! I love that he says “oh no, don’t make any brownies” and then the second you give them away he craves more…definitely something that would happen in my household! :) haha you sound like me too, after eating 2 whole brownies I refuse to let myself have any more, so I go back for bites and bites and bites…until I’ve eaten nearly a whole row! Woops! But who doesn’t love brownies?! :)


  32. #
    Angie — April 10, 2011 @ 3:48 pm

    Dying laughing!!!!



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