Last Saturday

Me: I made red velvet brownies! You have to try them.

Mr. HS: No. *shakes head*

Me: No? Not even a bite? You won’t even taste them?

Mr HS: No.

Me: Are you kidding me? Not even a taste?

Mr. HS: No! Because I’ll want to eat then entire pan. I can’t stop at one taste! *gnaws on a chicken breast*

Me: Well, this can be a good lesson in moderation?

[Later that evening.]

Me: Just a bite. Please? I need you to tell me if they are good!

Mr. HS: No! *shakes head*

Me: Seriously. Are you kidding me? Just take a taste. *cuts a brownie*

Mr. HS: Why do you do this to me, woman? *eats brownie*

Me: Good?

Mr. HS: &$%#! They are amazing. That’s it. No more. *eats a second brownie*


Me: I gave the brownies to Andy.

Mr. HS: What?! Why? *gives a look of death*

Me: Because you said you didn’t want to eat any! I didn’t want an entire pan of brownies to myself!

Mr. HS: I can’t believe you gave them to your brother. You never make me anything.

Me: You’re an old man. You must forget.


Mr. HS: Jess… do you think you could make those red velvet brownies for me on Saturday?

Me: Really? Are you craving them? Did you like them? *is annoying*

Mr. HS: Yes. They were amazing. That is my favorite baked good. They were so… dense.

Me: Sure, I’ll make them! *desperately craves positive reassurance since she is the first born*

Mr. HS: Great. Because I’m not holding back Saturday. I’m working out so hard this week. I’m doing legs Saturday. I’m going to town on those brownies. And I’m gonna eat a lot of roast beef at the gun bash buffet (don’t ask). And then I’m just gonna kill those brownies. No holding back. Tons of Diet Coke. I’m gonna eat soooo much. I’m probably going to eat the whole pan. I don’t even care. I’m going to eat so much protein, and then that entire pan of brownies. Yep. I can’t wait. You pickin’ up what I’m throwin’ down?

Me: Uhhh… sure. You’re so weird.


Me: I made the brownies!

Mr. HS: YES! I can’t wait. Let me eat these two stuffed peppers, two chicken breasts and bowl of mashed potatoes for lunch, then I’m gonna kill those brownies.

[30 minutes later]

Mr. HS: Oh my gosh. These are the best brownies ever. They are so good. Just the way I like them. Where is my Diet Coke? *eats the first row of brownies*

Me: Can I wrap them up now?

Mr. HS: Oh yeah. I’m done.

Me: Just for now, right? I’ll leave them here on the counter so you can eat them later.

Mr. HS: No. I’m done.

Me: Done? Like, you’re done eating these brownies today?

Mr. HS: Yeah. No more. No more this weekend.

Me: WHAT? What happened to “oh, I’m such a manly man, I’m gonna kill these brownies, blah, blah, blah.” You’re DONE? Why did I made an ENTIRE pan of brownies for you to eat about four of them? What am I supposed to do with all of these brownies?

Mr. HS: I don’t know. But I’m full. I’m gonna finish my Diet Coke, put on a shirt without sleeves and take a nap while watching NASCAR.

So this is what I’ve been doing since yesterday afternoon.

Because quarter inch slices don’t have any calories.

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86 Responses to “A Conversation.”

  1. #
    Katrina — March 6, 2011 @ 1:51 pm

    bahahaha awesome story. I’m like Mr. Sweet in that I can’t control myself, but at the same time i’m like you where I NEED my boy to try every single baked good that I make. Life is hard, lol.


  2. #
    VeggieGirl — March 6, 2011 @ 1:51 pm

    You guys need to have a sitcom :D


    • jen @ taste life — March 6th, 2011 @ 1:54 pm

      I was thinking a reality show. A cooking reality show with Nascar, weight lifting, and lots of bacon.


      • Kim in MD — March 6th, 2011 @ 4:07 pm

        That is a great idea! Don’t forget lots of unwashed dishes, too! You two crack me up! Oh, and I’m still wondering about the gun bash buffet! ;-)

  3. #
    Jessica - Dinners, Desserts & More — March 6, 2011 @ 1:56 pm

    too funny!! that could totally be an episode of a sitcom


  4. #
    vann — March 6, 2011 @ 1:56 pm

    you are so funny! this is the best conversation yet :)


  5. #
    Bethany — March 6, 2011 @ 1:57 pm

    I love how you think. Kinda like how I think: when I share my food, even a few bites with my baby, it automatically cuts the calories in half.


  6. #
    Kelly — March 6, 2011 @ 1:57 pm

    That was hilarious! And of course quarter slices have no calories…everyone knows that!! haha! I am sure you can find a willing target to pawn those off on…that shouldn’t be a problem!


  7. #
    Katie (Sweet Tater) — March 6, 2011 @ 2:01 pm



  8. #
    Brittany — March 6, 2011 @ 2:02 pm

    bahaha. I love it!

    The worst for me is that Isaac can eat one bite of a sweet and then just be done with it and leave it sitting on the table in front of him/the kitchen counter forever. It doesn’t even bother him. Me, on the other hand, that sweet will call my name until I eat every last bite – which usually happens in less than 48 hours.


  9. #
    Lisa — March 6, 2011 @ 2:05 pm

    Haha. You are so right..just like things eaten on thanksgiving have no calories either!


  10. #
    Ann — March 6, 2011 @ 2:08 pm

    Haha! The women in my family are quarter-inch slice masters. Love it! And these red velvet brownies are calling my name. I may have dreamt about them and I may fantasize about them while awake, too. Enough is enough! I am making them this week.


  11. #
    Erika @ FoodFitnessFun — March 6, 2011 @ 2:11 pm

    Haha! That conversation is hilarious! He’s gonna come back for more, don’t worry! ;-)


  12. #
    Jacquie — March 6, 2011 @ 2:12 pm

    You know you’re always welcome to send them my way. I won’t be mad, just saying… :)


  13. #
    Stephanie — March 6, 2011 @ 2:19 pm

    Love it! LOL


  14. #
    Holly — March 6, 2011 @ 2:19 pm

    You are the best! Thank you for making my Sunday morning EVEN better :)


  15. #
    K — March 6, 2011 @ 2:20 pm

    Minus the Nascar and sleeveless tees, your husband and my fiancee sound about the same hahahahah! Every time you post something about one of Mr. How Sweets shopping trips or intense meat eating habits I just have to laugh b/c I feel your pain..j/k, j/k, it’s been fun teaching him to eat veggies and realize there are more food groups than meat and meat. Good luck with those brownies!


  16. #
    Lauren at Keep It Sweet — March 6, 2011 @ 2:21 pm

    hahahahaha- i’d be shaving off pieces all the way until there were none left! I don’t know how your husband stopped eating them.


  17. #
    Alaina — March 6, 2011 @ 2:21 pm

    Hahaha, that is so great. If you want to send some slices up here, by all means. ;-)


  18. #
    Melissa — March 6, 2011 @ 2:21 pm

    Oh man I want those so bad. Can I pay you to ship them to me! hahaha …I’m only half joking :P


  19. #
    Jil @ Big City, Lil' Kitchen — March 6, 2011 @ 2:22 pm

    hahaha love this!


  20. #
    Meaghan — March 6, 2011 @ 2:22 pm

    Hahahahaha! I love this! I totally make the bf try everything, and then have to watch his face for his reaction, or see how much he eats to see if he truly liked it. Like last week when I made blondies, he practically devoured the whole thing in a day. I even tried freezing some to make them last longer, and he decided to then eat them frozen because he couldn’t wait for them to thaw! :P


  21. #
    Fallon — March 6, 2011 @ 2:27 pm



  22. #
    Heather — March 6, 2011 @ 2:28 pm

    hahahaha! this convo sounds all too familiar…minus the working out ;)


  23. #
    Julie @ Shining From Within — March 6, 2011 @ 2:33 pm

    LMAO! Ill come over and eat the rest of the brownies ;)


  24. #
    Krystina (Organically Me) — March 6, 2011 @ 2:40 pm

    LOL please do regular “conversation” posts every now and then. I’m dying.


  25. #
    Heather — March 6, 2011 @ 2:54 pm

    Hilarious! You know, my husband accuses me repeatedly of never making him *anything*. Whatever! He could have anything that I make but he acts all picky and aloof!

    Honestly, Jessica – I can’t wait to give these a try! I am a red velvet fanatic.


  26. #
    Maren — March 6, 2011 @ 3:11 pm

    Your husband, my boyfriend. Definitely brothers in another world…


  27. #
    Melanie — March 6, 2011 @ 3:17 pm

    HAAAAA!! I sooo love this!!


  28. #
    Dishes of Mrs. Fish — March 6, 2011 @ 3:17 pm

    Hilarious! :)


  29. #
    Lauren — March 6, 2011 @ 3:34 pm

    You know what else has no calories? When you talk in centimeters. It’s pretty fabulous actually. :)


  30. #
    Kelly — March 6, 2011 @ 3:38 pm

    Bahahaha, I love this! So reminiscent of what happens at my house. At one point I was only allowed to make “desserts that he wouldn’t like” Lol. :)


  31. #
    Andrea@Vegvacious — March 6, 2011 @ 3:43 pm

    Haha…great post!

    That’s the way I eat my sweets too. If you have 1/4″ every hour or so, surely your body has enough time to burn it off …. right?!? ;-)


  32. #
    *Andrea* — March 6, 2011 @ 3:43 pm

    you are hilarious!!!! those do look incredible! your convo is exactly what goes on in my head when i want to bake ; )


  33. #
    cantstopbaking — March 6, 2011 @ 3:43 pm

    That picture cracked me up!! Do we all do that and think we are the only people in the world who think that its better to eat half a pan of brownies one sliver at a time?!


  34. #
    Rachel @ Baked by Rachel — March 6, 2011 @ 3:53 pm

    Just plop the tray infront of him – he’ll eat more :)


  35. #
    Kelly — March 6, 2011 @ 4:18 pm

    That was the funniest lol Love it!


  36. #
    Cara — March 6, 2011 @ 4:19 pm

    Men are so finicky…. *Shakes Head**

    I totally eat all my baked goods by the 1/4 in, just because there is no calories that way!


  37. #
    Salah (My Healthiest Lifestyle) — March 6, 2011 @ 4:54 pm

    hahaha I think ya’ll need to have a show. I’d definitely watch it. This was hilarious!


  38. #
    Jolene ( — March 6, 2011 @ 5:08 pm

    This is hilarious … bahahahaha, shirt with no sleeves!!!

    Those brownies look pretty darn amazing girl!


  39. #
    Mary (What's Cookin' with Mary) — March 6, 2011 @ 5:15 pm

    Hilarious !! You guys rock :D I esp love the 1/4″ slices. My Mom jokes that when you cut a tiny piece, the calories leak out bc the slice is so tiny ;)


  40. #
    Corinna @ The Fire Chiefs Wife — March 6, 2011 @ 5:27 pm

    That was great, I love the way that played out.
    Share the love. Take some to your neighborhood fire station.


  41. #
    Kocinera — March 6, 2011 @ 6:40 pm

    It’s completely true–1/4 slices do not have calories! How could they? They’re so little and innocent, just a taste. I do the same thing when there’s a pan of brownies sitting on my kitchen counter. :D


  42. #
    Caitlin — March 6, 2011 @ 6:55 pm

    You know that episode of SATC where Miranda makes the chocolate cake herself (instead of buying the $72 one at the bakery) and she frosts it and starts eating it, only cutting quarter inch slices at time?

    Well you’re two slices away from being forced to get out the dish soap and call the Betty Ford clinic.


  43. #
    Kristen@PrettySweet — March 6, 2011 @ 7:11 pm

    Yes, more conversations, please! And I’m totally on board with teeny slices of baked goods. That’s me. All the way.


  44. #
    Melissa — March 6, 2011 @ 7:19 pm

    I am dying. Literally, tears are streaming down my face I’m laughing so hard. I would watch you two on Bravo. For reals.


  45. #
    Kristin — March 6, 2011 @ 8:08 pm

    hahaha hillarious!


  46. #
    Nicole — March 6, 2011 @ 8:35 pm

    hahah how funny!


  47. #
    Leah @ Why Deprive? — March 6, 2011 @ 8:36 pm

    hahahahaha love it!!


  48. #
    Michelle @ HER — March 6, 2011 @ 9:26 pm

    Haha. This is great. Drinking a diet coke with brownies??


  49. #
    Alexa @ SimpleEats — March 6, 2011 @ 9:33 pm

    Hahahaha. I only wish we could all actually hear these convos. Amazing.


  50. #
    Katie — March 6, 2011 @ 9:59 pm


    I like your “quarter-inch-no-calorie math”…but even more than that, I loved the line “I’m gonna eat a lot of roast beef at the gun bash buffet ” – seriously Mr. How Sweet and Meeker should be best friends.



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