Last Saturday
Me: I made red velvet brownies! You have to try them.
Mr. HS: No. *shakes head*
Me: No? Not even a bite? You won’t even taste them?
Mr HS: No.
Me: Are you kidding me? Not even a taste?
Mr. HS: No! Because I’ll want to eat then entire pan. I can’t stop at one taste! *gnaws on a chicken breast*
Me: Well, this can be a good lesson in moderation?
[Later that evening.]
Me: Just a bite. Please? I need you to tell me if they are good!
Mr. HS: No! *shakes head*
Me: Seriously. Are you kidding me? Just take a taste. *cuts a brownie*
Mr. HS: Why do you do this to me, woman? *eats brownie*
Me: Good?
Mr. HS: &$%#! They are amazing. That’s it. No more. *eats a second brownie*
Sunday
Me: I gave the brownies to Andy.
Mr. HS: What?! Why? *gives a look of death*
Me: Because you said you didn’t want to eat any! I didn’t want an entire pan of brownies to myself!
Mr. HS: I can’t believe you gave them to your brother. You never make me anything.
Me: You’re an old man. You must forget.
Tuesday
Mr. HS: Jess… do you think you could make those red velvet brownies for me on Saturday?
Me: Really? Are you craving them? Did you like them? *is annoying*
Mr. HS: Yes. They were amazing. That is my favorite baked good. They were so… dense.
Me: Sure, I’ll make them! *desperately craves positive reassurance since she is the first born*
Mr. HS: Great. Because I’m not holding back Saturday. I’m working out so hard this week. I’m doing legs Saturday. I’m going to town on those brownies. And I’m gonna eat a lot of roast beef at the gun bash buffet (don’t ask). And then I’m just gonna kill those brownies. No holding back. Tons of Diet Coke. I’m gonna eat soooo much. I’m probably going to eat the whole pan. I don’t even care. I’m going to eat so much protein, and then that entire pan of brownies. Yep. I can’t wait. You pickin’ up what I’m throwin’ down?
Me: Uhhh… sure. You’re so weird.
Saturday
Me: I made the brownies!
Mr. HS: YES! I can’t wait. Let me eat these two stuffed peppers, two chicken breasts and bowl of mashed potatoes for lunch, then I’m gonna kill those brownies.
[30 minutes later]
Mr. HS: Oh my gosh. These are the best brownies ever. They are so good. Just the way I like them. Where is my Diet Coke? *eats the first row of brownies*
Me: Can I wrap them up now?
Mr. HS: Oh yeah. I’m done.
Me: Just for now, right? I’ll leave them here on the counter so you can eat them later.
Mr. HS: No. I’m done.
Me: Done? Like, you’re done eating these brownies today?
Mr. HS: Yeah. No more. No more this weekend.
Me: WHAT? What happened to “oh, I’m such a manly man, I’m gonna kill these brownies, blah, blah, blah.” You’re DONE? Why did I made an ENTIRE pan of brownies for you to eat about four of them? What am I supposed to do with all of these brownies?
Mr. HS: I don’t know. But I’m full. I’m gonna finish my Diet Coke, put on a shirt without sleeves and take a nap while watching NASCAR.
So this is what I’ve been doing since yesterday afternoon.
Because quarter inch slices don’t have any calories.
I’m Jessica and this is where I share my stuff. You will find a balance of healthy recipes, comfort food and indulgent desserts.
bahahaha awesome story. I’m like Mr. Sweet in that I can’t control myself, but at the same time i’m like you where I NEED my boy to try every single baked good that I make. Life is hard, lol.
Reply
You guys need to have a sitcom :D
Reply
jen @ taste life — March 6th, 2011 @ 1:54 pm
I was thinking a reality show. A cooking reality show with Nascar, weight lifting, and lots of bacon.
Reply
Kim in MD — March 6th, 2011 @ 4:07 pm
That is a great idea! Don’t forget lots of unwashed dishes, too! You two crack me up! Oh, and I’m still wondering about the gun bash buffet! ;-)
too funny!! that could totally be an episode of a sitcom
Reply
you are so funny! this is the best conversation yet :)
Reply
I love how you think. Kinda like how I think: when I share my food, even a few bites with my baby, it automatically cuts the calories in half.
Reply
That was hilarious! And of course quarter slices have no calories…everyone knows that!! haha! I am sure you can find a willing target to pawn those off on…that shouldn’t be a problem!
Reply
hahahaha
Reply
bahaha. I love it!
The worst for me is that Isaac can eat one bite of a sweet and then just be done with it and leave it sitting on the table in front of him/the kitchen counter forever. It doesn’t even bother him. Me, on the other hand, that sweet will call my name until I eat every last bite – which usually happens in less than 48 hours.
Reply
Haha. You are so right..just like things eaten on thanksgiving have no calories either!
Reply
Haha! The women in my family are quarter-inch slice masters. Love it! And these red velvet brownies are calling my name. I may have dreamt about them and I may fantasize about them while awake, too. Enough is enough! I am making them this week.
Reply
Haha! That conversation is hilarious! He’s gonna come back for more, don’t worry! ;-)
Reply
You know you’re always welcome to send them my way. I won’t be mad, just saying… :)
Reply
Love it! LOL
Reply
You are the best! Thank you for making my Sunday morning EVEN better :)
Reply
Minus the Nascar and sleeveless tees, your husband and my fiancee sound about the same hahahahah! Every time you post something about one of Mr. How Sweets shopping trips or intense meat eating habits I just have to laugh b/c I feel your pain..j/k, j/k, it’s been fun teaching him to eat veggies and realize there are more food groups than meat and meat. Good luck with those brownies!
Reply
hahahahaha- i’d be shaving off pieces all the way until there were none left! I don’t know how your husband stopped eating them.
Reply
Hahaha, that is so great. If you want to send some slices up here, by all means. ;-)
Reply
Oh man I want those so bad. Can I pay you to ship them to me! hahaha …I’m only half joking :P
Reply
hahaha love this!
Reply
Hahahahaha! I love this! I totally make the bf try everything, and then have to watch his face for his reaction, or see how much he eats to see if he truly liked it. Like last week when I made blondies, he practically devoured the whole thing in a day. I even tried freezing some to make them last longer, and he decided to then eat them frozen because he couldn’t wait for them to thaw! :P
Reply
LMAO!
Reply
hahahaha! this convo sounds all too familiar…minus the working out ;)
Reply
LMAO! Ill come over and eat the rest of the brownies ;)
Reply
LOL please do regular “conversation” posts every now and then. I’m dying.
Reply
Hilarious! You know, my husband accuses me repeatedly of never making him *anything*. Whatever! He could have anything that I make but he acts all picky and aloof!
Honestly, Jessica – I can’t wait to give these a try! I am a red velvet fanatic.
Reply
Your husband, my boyfriend. Definitely brothers in another world…
Reply
HAAAAA!! I sooo love this!!
Reply
Hilarious! :)
Reply
You know what else has no calories? When you talk in centimeters. It’s pretty fabulous actually. :)
Reply
Bahahaha, I love this! So reminiscent of what happens at my house. At one point I was only allowed to make “desserts that he wouldn’t like” Lol. :)
Reply
Haha…great post!
That’s the way I eat my sweets too. If you have 1/4″ every hour or so, surely your body has enough time to burn it off …. right?!? ;-)
Reply
you are hilarious!!!! those do look incredible! your convo is exactly what goes on in my head when i want to bake ; )
Reply
That picture cracked me up!! Do we all do that and think we are the only people in the world who think that its better to eat half a pan of brownies one sliver at a time?!
Reply
Just plop the tray infront of him – he’ll eat more :)
Reply
That was the funniest lol Love it!
Reply
Men are so finicky…. *Shakes Head**
I totally eat all my baked goods by the 1/4 in, just because there is no calories that way!
Reply
hahaha I think ya’ll need to have a show. I’d definitely watch it. This was hilarious!
Reply
This is hilarious … bahahahaha, shirt with no sleeves!!!
Those brownies look pretty darn amazing girl!
Reply
Hilarious !! You guys rock :D I esp love the 1/4″ slices. My Mom jokes that when you cut a tiny piece, the calories leak out bc the slice is so tiny ;)
Reply
That was great, I love the way that played out.
Share the love. Take some to your neighborhood fire station.
Reply
It’s completely true–1/4 slices do not have calories! How could they? They’re so little and innocent, just a taste. I do the same thing when there’s a pan of brownies sitting on my kitchen counter. :D
Reply
You know that episode of SATC where Miranda makes the chocolate cake herself (instead of buying the $72 one at the bakery) and she frosts it and starts eating it, only cutting quarter inch slices at time?
Well you’re two slices away from being forced to get out the dish soap and call the Betty Ford clinic.
Reply
Yes, more conversations, please! And I’m totally on board with teeny slices of baked goods. That’s me. All the way.
Reply
I am dying. Literally, tears are streaming down my face I’m laughing so hard. I would watch you two on Bravo. For reals.
Reply
hahaha hillarious!
Reply
hahah how funny!
Reply
hahahahaha love it!!
Reply
Haha. This is great. Drinking a diet coke with brownies??
Reply
Hahahaha. I only wish we could all actually hear these convos. Amazing.
Reply
Bahahaha!
I like your “quarter-inch-no-calorie math”…but even more than that, I loved the line “I’m gonna eat a lot of roast beef at the gun bash buffet ” – seriously Mr. How Sweet and Meeker should be best friends.
Reply