Today is the day where I tell you how I am cut from the weirdest cloth ever.
It is not far from the truth to say that for a holiday, I would rather… receivefoodthanjewerly. Uh huh. Did I say it fast enough?
I would though. Well, most of the time. I guess it depends? I should probably rethink this before I speak to my invisible internet friends and never receive jewelry every again in my life. But yes, I’d sort of prefer chocolate.
It’s just that I’m kind of picky in the whole jewelry department, but probably not the way that you think I am. I sort of… like trashy jewelry? Uh, you probably already know that though if you followed me on Instagram last summer. I can say that because I will wear it. The real truth is that I adore costume jewelry. The more color the better. Give me gems and jewel tones and all sorts of things that should only be worn once or twice but that I abuse and overwear to death. I like color more than diamonds. I am so not elegant.
I mean, I say this as a 30-year old woman (ew) sitting here watching a rerun of full house (yes seriously) on Nickelodeon at 9:36 PM. What kind of jewelry do you THINK I want? Yeah.
Obviously I wouldn’t kick a diamond out of bed (thought I sort of did pass one up on my 30th birthday and I thought my husband was going to have a heartichoke) but I’d gladly take some colorful junk from anthropology or j.crew h&m or… or… Target. No shame. Isn’t this the time in my life that I should be collecting things to hold dear and pass down to future generations in 50 years or something? I don’t quite think the neon blue hoop earrings will hold up in 2060.
I’m sorry future granddaughters, I have no bracelets or brooches for you because I was too busy eating chocolate studded with bacon and chili peppers. I have a really nice (50-year old) refrigerator though.
Needless to say, I would be super excited to receive some truffles, especially truffles made with RED WINE on Valentine’s Day. Especially if said truffles were covered in a trillion multicolored pink sprinkles that stain your entire life pink when touched. Really… your entire life. My hands and face were pink for days. Yes, I sort of loved it. I realize that I’ve been a bit heavy handed on the sprinkles this week, so you can rest assured that this is the end of the sprinkles. For the moment.
Now maybe if someone could make me some edible jewelry… ? Yes. That would work.
3/4 cup heavy cream
5 ounces milk chocolate, chopped
5 ounces dark chocolate, chopped
3 tablespoons of your favorite cabernet sauvignon
sprinkles or cocoa powder for rolling
Add chopped chocolate to a large bowl.
Heat heavy cream in a saucepan over medium heat. The minute it starts boiling, remove from heat and pour over the chocolate. Add wine. Let sit for 3 minutes, then whisk continuously until smooth. Press a piece of plastic wrap over top of the bowl and press down so it adheres to the chocolate. Refrigerate for at least two hours (I did so overnight - perfect!), then using a small melon baller or spoon, scoop chocolate out and roll them into balls, placing on a sheet of wax paper. Roll the truffles in cocoa or sprinkles, then refrigerate for about 30 minutes before serving. I definitely like these best cold, but they can sit out at room temperature for a few hours too. I do keep them refrigerated when not serving.
[adapted from martha stewart]
Chocolate jewelry! Let’s do this.