life with max: weeks 12 through 16.
Ohhhhhhhh my gosssssh.
I so did not mean for so much time to pass between Max updates and now it’s been a whopping FOUR weeks. WAH. Time is going way way way way too fast. We are also keeping busy and ummm I feel like I have no time to even, like, brush my hair between mom life and work life. So totally cliché?! Yes.
I am a walking cliché. It’s only going to get worse.
So what’s been up for four weeks?! Max is 16 weeks now, almost four months. I want to simultaneously smile and bawl my eyes out at the same time. It’s so freaking bittersweet. Why didn’t you guys tell me that it is so freaking bittersweet?!?!?!?
Okay, I’m lying. You totally told me but there is absolutely zero way of knowing anything about this until you experience it. Which I sort of knew, but also didn’t know.
Kind of like how I thought it would be an awesome idea to schedule a LOT of work-related projects and trips while pregnant, starting at six weeks post-partum… with three of them being out of state.
Uh. Was I on drugs? Why did I think that was possible? I think it was a combination of many unrealistic portrayals of motherhood in the media and how some of my friends have made it seem so easy (which I now understand that it takes a crap ton of work for it to “appear” easy).
Anyhoo, here’s the thing. Max is a dream baby. He is very happy 99% of the time and I feel extremely lucky and grateful. I think part of that is due to my somewhat shocking laid-back attitude with him (I’ve only had a meltdown or two to my mom which is like, 456% LESS meltdowns than I expected to have), but I also think it’s because he is a happy baby. I don’t say this to be all “omg, my baby is wonderful I’m so happy, blah blah blah” but I say this because many of you have been asking me how I am able to keep up with the blog, how can I cook dinner, how can I do XYZ and while it is taking a good bit of work, he is also a happy baby. So that helps tremendously.
Also, do you remember when I told you that on my book tour in Richmond I met a wonderful couple with a baby, and we chatted about the lack-of-sleep-crazy-first-months-etc of newborn life? And they told me how it made a huge difference for them to remain positive and know it’s going to be challenging, but look at it in a positive light?
I’m doing that.
It’s also no secret here that I don’t need a ton of sleep. I’ve written for years on this blog about how I wish we didn’t need to sleep; I’d rather be working or reading or writing or doing things. That helps.
I am not lying when I say I will miss these days SO much – but I will miss these NIGHTS. I will miss the nights when he isn’t waking up anymore and snuggling with me and eating. Is that insane? It’s just so fleeting.
Here’s the other thing: GUYS, this is super hard! It is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life, again, totally cliché but totally true. But it is hard. Going to the grocery store is hard! Trying to cook a meal is hard. Trying to do other work that I have aside from my own blog is even harder. Trying to maintain the same schedule I had pre-baby is hard. Trying to do little things, like shop with my mom for an hour or two on the weekend is hard. Attempting to clean anything in the house is a massive JOKE.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I hate that it is all so hard for me. Real life.
[can we talk about this little hat? it was MY BROTHERS’!! so it’s 30 years old.]
So. Everyone has told me how each stage is more exciting than the next and I could not agree more. Every day something new happens. He changes. He wakes up from a nap and I swear he has gained a pound.
He is SO alert now. He watches me walk out of a room which makes me want to cry every time I think about it. He SEES me! Sometimes when he eats he giggles and laughs and then just stares into my eyes.
I melt. I want to give him the universe.
With him being so alert though – it does get much more challenging to try to do things that do not involve him. He is great for 15 or 20 minutes at a time (give or take a little) under his play gym or in his mamaroo, then he wants to play with a friend.
I’m taking it all a day at a time, which is also very hard for me. I want to plan! Know the future! Control all the things!
Um, as a side bar? He hates being in clothes. He definitely has my sweat gene. Sometimes he is a total crank face and if we take off his onesie? Happy as a clam. Last Sunday we might have had to strip him down to his diaper at brunch. Ooomph.
Week 13ish was a doozy – he had a little growth spurt and then he had two or three days where he ONLY wanted me in the evenings. He would scream like a crazy dude if Eddie held him (which broke both our hearts but especially Eddie’s) but once he got in my arms, he’d cuddle up and smile. Wow. It is an incredible feeling when your baby calms the moment he hits your arms. It’s like… unreal to me. I told Eddie that maybe this is the reward – for all the sleepless nights and unproductivity throughout the day – for your babe to want only you?
Eddie still kills me. He said today the words that every parent says: I don’t remember my life without him. He still tears up when he leaves Max. He changes every diaper when he is home and even said one day, “I’m going to miss changing his diapers!” I was like well… I think you have a few more years of that. Ha.
Max is hilarious. There I said it. My four month old child is FUNNY. He laughs and giggles all the time. He makes these hilarious faces. He has so much personality, it kills me. He spends hours a day shrieking and squealing and talking and belting out every sound he can from his tiny body.
I swear that he gives kisses already, which is just my name for what he does when you bring his face to yours and he opens his mouth because he probably wants to eat your nose or something.
This child.
I want to hold him forever. Like I said above, its still going way too fast but I’m still relishing every moment. Everyday I try to take a few minutes and just enjoy the wonderfulness of him. Some nights I still can’t put him down – if he wakes up at 3:30 or so I sit up in bed and lay him on my chest until Eddie wakes up at 4:30 because I just want to cuddle him. I look through his photos on my phone a million times a day, sometimes I even look at them after he eats at night when I know I should be sleeping.
I am that person.
I can’t get enough.
OMG. I know I’m so rambly but I still just cannot get over my love for this little chunk and how happy he makes me. And us. I wasn’t expecting it. And I don’t know why, because obviously you hear all the things – motherhood changes you, it’s a love unlike any other, and so on – but it’s ALL.SO.TRUE.
I could sit in a room and stare at him for 24 hours straight and be thrilled and happy (and exhausted) and feeling so thankful. I tear up every time I think about his birth. I can’t believe that last year at this time, on Easter, he was a little bean in my body and only four of us knew about him.
Just so crazy. I miss every single day that has passed with him.
43 Comments on “life with max: weeks 12 through 16.”
Beautiful…you sum it all up so well. I still can’t believe I have a 2.5yr old little man with a personality and all the stories he comes up with…it’s crazy and fun but still miss the days when he fit in my arms :( We too have a little boy who prefers as few clothes as possible…and now that he’s potty trained I think he prefers naked..it’s definitley interesting. I love your blogging on he’s different stages…bring back so many memories. Thanks!
Awwwwwwww. *tears*
oh this is perfect, just perfect. my little guy is almost 3 weeks old and i just can’t begin to describe how special and wonderful i feel just looking at him. amazing how life changes as soon as they come out! thanks for sharing your thoughts!
i love these posts <3
I have two boys – my oldest will be 3 in June & my youngest will be 1 in less than two weeks.
I had the same problem with thinking everything was so dang HARD and had visions of my next 10 (15?) years of being HARD. The thought was overwhelming. Try loading up two kids to go grocery shopping, try to eat your cereal before the milk makes it soggy, drinking a HOT cup of coffee, making sure one kid isn’t killing the other. It is hard, there’s no denying it.
BUT, what really helped me is to change my perspective – going to the grocery store used to take literally one minute for me to put shoes on, grab a coat and go. Now i have to start packing the three of us up 20 (yes, literally 20) minutes before I want to leave. It’s not hard, it’s just DIFFERENT. Once I realized that I have to have different expectations for myself and the kids – that the three of us can’t go to the store and be back in less than an hour – I felt a lot better.
I had a much harder time with this than my husband – probably bec I am home with the kids by myself 2 days a week (i work the other 3). To me, it almost felt like I had to mourn my old life for a little while – and fully realize that it would never be the same. I love my boys; it was just a hard adjustment for me.
OMG- yes! THIS. so much! I completely get it. I keep calling it “surrendering to the change” – ha! When I do that, I am great. And super relaxed about getting things done, etc. But it isn’t coming naturally to me yet so I have to remind myself, and I often overschedule myself to begin with and then I’m just a trainwreck.
Ditto to all of this! Letting go of the old ways and embracing the new and sometimes more challenging ways has been hard but awesome at the same time! I love these posts so much because I relate on EVERY SINGLE LEVEL.
So, your son’s age and my memories of how amazing it was with my son when he was that age brought to mind something that I wish I had been prepared for: the “4 month sleep regression.” Google it. You may find it to be an issue, or nothing at all. But like I said, I wish I’d anticipated it. All the best. Your son is adorable in the extreme.
ha oh gosh i know – i think we are kind of in it – the only saving grace (maybe?) is that max hasn’t ever slept through the night, so an extra wakeup or two hasn’t killed me (yet).
Jessica, I can say that my baby boy is about to turn 31 and the love you feel today for your little guy will just get stronger and stronger. I look at Max’s pics and long for those baby days but as they grow you are also filled with such pride over the person they have become. Every single day, every single year just brings more reasons for us to be so in love with our children. Your little guy is simply beautiful.
I saw a facebook post the other day that made me think of you, it was a mom that said “I can’t believe I can love someone this much”. Like I said, it just made me think of you. Also, I have another friend whose son HATES clothes!!! He would go naked 24/7 if he could!!!!!!! Max is just so darned cute, I just want to squish him with every picture!!!!
He’s so adorable, I can’t even handle it :) My little lady is about to turn 1 (what) and let me just tell you the love you will feel for him is only going to get stronger…I look at my little one sometimes and tear up because she’s just the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
Jessica, I have a question that is pretty unrelated. Were the pictures in this post taken with the camera you mentioned in your March favorites post? I was hoping to see the camera in action :) Thanks!
i don’t think any were! most were taken right before i got the camera – i really love it though and have used it a lot lately – will specify on those photos when i do! :)
Awesome, Thank you!!! Max is completely adorable, by the way. (Obviously)
My Ella is 8 months old and I totally get it! It’s the hardest, and yet the easiest thing I’ve ever done, spending all this time with her. Focusing on her, feeding her, soaking her in.
I finally realized why I was so surprised at how much I loved these days and nights that should be so mundane. When you are pregnant people tell you about the hard stuff, you read about the bad stuff, and you imagine the terrible stuff – will we ever sleep? Will we ever go out to a restaurant again? Will vacations ever be fun? What if he/she has colic, reflux, allergies, never sleeps, hates to eat, won’t latch and on and on. But nobody tells you about the amazing stuff. The take your breath away moments, seeing your sweet baby smile for the first time, give kisses, or reach his or her little arms toward you. You never think of it – so it’s all shocking, and it’s unbelievable how wonderful it is. It’s the best kept secret of being a mom…
I love these posts so much! My first baby is due in July and I feel like so many other mama posts focus on the negative, but yours make me so excited to meet my little one!!
So I’m 18 weeks along with my first and naturally I’ve read/heard a lot of moms talk about motherhood and it’s all been great but honestly, it’s only been these posts about Max that have made me really start to understand and be excited, genuinely excited (instead of just terrified), about motherhood. I know I can’t possibly understand what it’s really like. But these posts get me thhhaatttttt much closer to understanding. I practically tear up reading them because I want this experience to happen RIGHT NOW.
Re: the above comment about the 4 month sleep regression – I have a nearly 5 month old & have to say 4 months was the hardest month yet for me! Max might be totally chill, but forwarned = for-armed (I wrote forearmed but that’s just the sleep deprivation… Haha). My girl was always super alert like Max & people had told me 4 months was when their alertness really wakes up. I thought Milly was already alert so didn’t pay much notice but my gosh – she’s now interested in EVERYTHING. I stand her up and she surveys the room for whatever she next wants to grab & stuff in her mouth and she launches her body towards it. She loves people so I take her to a cafe & hold her so she can ogle everyone & wait for someone to tell her she’s cute so she can beam at them. It’s awesome but HARD work as she’s constantly wanting to explore the next thing & on & on. Lots more frustrated noises & crying if I leave her sight for a couple seconds to wash my hands. She wants to move & play & learn all day (and night) & sleep is for suckers. It’s awesome & amazing but also sometimes exhausting, frustrating & just HARD.
i can somewhat relate to this already. i think month 4 is the hardest so far because he is SO alert and wants to constantly play, but he is in that stage where he can’t entertain himself much yet?? so seriously… i’m like an entertainer all day long! i now realize why moms can never get anything done.
YES! That’s totally it. It’s also the age when they get distracted easily – which is good if you can sing them a song to make them forget they were about to cry etc – but annoying when you’re trying to feed them and they’re whipping their head around to see what else is going on in the room – so it takes much longer to do anything/ get anything else done.
He is such a DOLL!!! So happy that you two are enjoying this time with him. Mine are now 11 and 13, I do miss those ages! Reading your blog about Max brings me back to those days. Enjoy that chunkadoodle!
Ugh. I love these posts so much. They make me so happy for you and so excited for my little nugget’s arrival!!! Please have your phone ready at all times for when I text you approximately 1.5 million times a day.
HE’S SO SQUISHY AND ADORABLE!!!!! So glad I met this little guy in person.
He is SUCH a gorgeous baby!!
Those little teeny jeans! Oh so cute!
just love these! My little guy- roman- was born only a few days before yours, and your words have landed so many of my emotions. Thank you for the honesty, and raw writing. Please keep the baby updates coming. They are my favorite!
I was just reading how Max gives you “kisses” – I found an old picture where I am gumming my father’s face. It looks like I am trying to eat him! So funny!
You know what makes my heart happy? Is knowing how incredibly special Max is going to feel someday when he reads these beautiful words. There’s no way he’ll ever NOT feel loved, but how amazing to have it reaffirmed any time he wants just by looking at your blog?
HAPPY HEART :)
I have a 16 week old boy, too andI always feel like I am reading my own thoughts and feelings when reading your posts :)
This was so relate-able. I packed up some of my girl’s old clothes to give to friends for their daughters the other night and just sat and bawled when I was done. My husband was all: “what’s wrong?!” me: “she’ll never be small enough to wear this again!” I just can vividly remember the days when she wore certain outfits. what we did, what cute things she was doing, etc. I never want to forget! And now I’m tearing up again.
My babies are 33 & 30 & reading your posts brings it all back. It miss it so much. i am going to tell you something you already know & probably are tired of hearing. Ready for it. Savor every single second. The happy, frustrating,enfuriating, joyful wonderful moments, everyone of them because they are gone in an instant. But then you are blessed with some lovely people who are your dearest friends.
AH. Sally. THANK YOU.
I’m so teary reading this. You said it so well. I miss constantly holding my son. Side note: he napped in my arms until about 15ish months. No lie. Sometimes I’d put him down to do stuff, but mostly I just learned to do stuff really, Flash Gordon fast while he was awake and playing nearby because I too much loved cuddling his sweet, little body in my arms.
We just got back from our first grown up only trip and he’s 7 years old. Boy. That was hard to leave. But he had excellent babysitters who were so excited to spoil him and tons of plans because he is very social. We all did fine. Between you and me, one go my greatest life moments ever was when we got home and my husband snatched him up first, but he struggled away so he could run into my arms and I got the tightest, truest hug ever. My heart. That little boy owns it.
made me want to cry!
It gets easier – the getting ready/getting around. I found managing 1 child the most intimidating, 2 the most difficult, and now with 3 (ages 3 and under – but thank goodness not for much longer – soon the oldest will be 4), it’s just more work. So, in an odd way, I find 3 easier than 1 or 2. Give yourself a big break.
What I find a little odd is that you don’t have a nanny, daycare, or at least periodic babysitter. I have always worked full-time, and I have only on rare emergency occasions attempted to watch child/ren + work. I would lose my mind – not to mention simply not be able to do conference calls. And, of course, I go into an office a lot, and do a lot of work in the evenings. I’ve had full-time (50 hour/week) care for my kids starting when my first was 8 weeks old. I’m just amazed you can do anything at all.
Also, I just love reading these posts. It is what I feel with my kids, but never had/took the time to write.
the funniest thing is that i was totally the pregnant girl saying i’d have a nanny 4 days a week, planned all these work trips, cooking classes, etc – then i had him and couldn’t imagine him being away from me! this was obviously doable since i report to myself, but not easy, haha. that’s why i do lose my mind sometimes. but we have family near and my mom will watch him for awhile so that helps! i think once he starts eating a little less frequently, i will feel better about having help with him. thank you so much!! also, you sound like supermom and i don’t know how you’re doing it!
Thank-you so much for sharing these. I remember these days like they were yesterday. The sweet cheeks, the nothing goes as planned but everything turns out perfectly days, and the days where nothing goes as planned and everything is a wreck, but those sweet smiles make it not matter. As you see, the time flies, and there are ups and downs, enjoy it. The process is so beautiful. My son is in basic training right now, my first born, my “Max” if you will, is all the way across the country and seeing these pictures reminds me to be grateful. Grateful that I had the opportunity to be his Mama, and raise him. Also I might add, he is a dang fine kid, and will make a heck of a soldier.
Love these updates! He is such a cutie! I have a 12 week old (he’s our first) and a big YES to everything in this post. It truly is the best but hardest job ever! You give me a peek into what’s coming for my little man. Thanks for sharing your chunk of love with us. I love the updates!
All the feelings! I could stare at Max’s sweet eyeballs forever, he is SO CUTE! It’s hard getting work done, but i think it gets easier every day. I may be jinxing myself, but it feels like it does. Casper recently started falling head-over-heels with Sean and it is just too sweet. He cries when he leaves for work and I know it melts Sean’s heart. He also started belting out this baby-Tarzan yell when things get loud–the vitaminix, vacuum, even when we were at Costco yesterday. It’s hilarious, like he’s trying to yell-along to the noise. How are these sweet babies so amazing everyday?! It continues to blow my mind and I totally scroll through photos of him ALL THE TIME.
Sometimes looking at my baby is not enough. I have to look at pictures of my baby at the same time. Basically I double-fist.
Oh my his little jeans. Such a cutie!! I scroll through my pictures all of the time. Cannot get enough!
Oh hi! I think we were that couple in Richmond…I just read this because I remembered you did baby updates! I feel like a total fangirl since I called my husband and was like “OMG she mentioned us!! ” hah. We’re expecting our second now (a boy this time!) in three months – so excited to get to love someone this much again! Love your gushing updates so much!