Recipe Disasters of 2011.
It’s the day after Christmas and now it’s time to delve
into all of those recipes that failed before 2012.
Remember 2010 and what a journey it was?
Well this is no different – you might want a buzz.
The first major mishap wasn’t realllllly my fault,
but it brought that whole weekend to an absolute halt.
This stupid pan of brownies decided to explode
and I can’t even tell you how much that blowed.
Easter came quickly within a snap,
and one thing we learned… I can’t dip cake pops for crap.
They get oooey and gooey and messy and weird,
and for someone impatient they should be feared.
Summer drew closer and I craved cupcakes,
of the lemon and strawberry flavor – not fakes.
But they sunk in the middle like big, sandy holes
and by this point in May I was ready to toss all my goals.
The cake above worked – it’s a miracle, behold!
But as you can see, someone should have patrolled
my kitchen, my fridge and the utensil drawer
just to keep me away so I fit through the door.
Remember the pizza for breakfast that I cooked with my man?
besides almost divorcing, we at least got a tan.
It was so sunny and hot and the egg rolled off the grill
FIVE times in a row it took a big spill.
I decided to make pizza puff thingamajigs.
I figured they’d be delicious and we’d inhale them like pigs.
But they turned out disgusting and dry and so plain
and by this point I was wondering if I had a brain.
Before I left on vacation I tried to make bread.
It was banana split flavored and would get me ahead.
But it sank and was mushy and awfully gross.
How was it possible I didn’t even come close?
Around the same time I butchered a friend’s recipe.
She makes basil squash cakes and fries them in ghee.
Well that was a mess since I tried my own little twist…
which left me starving and empty and pretty much pissed.
But wait! This looks good right? With ice cream galore?
Nope… not at all… a complete total snore.
Apple pie blondies is what I pursued,
but the only way these would work is if they were glued.
Over the course of the year I made three pieces of pork.
You’d think with our “relationship” I’d dig in with a fork.
But they were all dry and disappointing to boot,
and have you tried to take pictures? Pork’s anything but cute.
Then I made cheesy breadsticks but they were a fail,
and yet somehow I found myself able to inhale.
But they stuck to the pan and were generally dry,
soon enough though… these are getting another try.
In September I raved about cauliflower soup,
we ate it at Habitat and it threw us both for a loop.
So I made some at home but it looks just like paste…
FYI: next time… this will be right in your face.
Oh! And then there were brownies with green minty booze
which were awesome and led me to buy five pairs of shoes.
But as you can see, the first batch was quite spongey,
and I was THISCLOSE to taking an unharnessed bungee.
Here we have chicken with some sort of crust
and cheese that looks gummy and not at all robust.
It was our anniversary dinner that I tried to recreate,
but it failed and I said, “Trash? Say hi to this plate.”
And just last week when I made wine-soaked risotto?
My camera almost broke as I attempted that photo.
I tried it in the crockpot and it all turned to mush,
then I seriously cried because I’m such a lush.
So as you can see I am anything but an ace,
it’s failures and mess-ups I constantly chase.
But just when I think I’m ready to throw in all in,
I manage to make something that makes us all grin.
It’s frustrating and annoying and equally blahhhh
but then there’s those moments that makes you go “aha!”
And I have to admit, I do it all for you
but if there’s a perk for me? It’s that I get to chew.
119 Comments on “Recipe Disasters of 2011.”
This was literally amazing- it’s inspiring to see that failure does exist even for someone who always posts SUCH wonderful creations!! The other day I made a cake from a recipe calling for a 9-inch square pan..but I made it in an 8-inch pan, it massively overflowed the sides, annnd it was all over my oven and made my entire house filled with smoke. Wanted to curl up and cry (maybe I did?) but after reading this post I’m not going to let things like that stop me in the future!
I love this!! Bless your soul for making the rest of us feel better and for showing that cooking (and cooking blogs) isn’t (aren’t) always perfect! Love your blog and the recipes, keep em coming! :)
Great post! It took me halfway through to notice the rhyming! I must have been preoccupied with looking at your pictures. Even your mess-up photos managed to look cute. Thanks for sharing your masterpieces and mistakes! :)
Thanks for the laugh today. Your rhyming was magical and I think so many of us can relate to your failures and flops. Good to know that I’m not the only one that has failures here and there. Love it, thank you!
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this is so clever!!! i love it!!! i wish i would have thought to do this.. so many disasters, not enough time LOL
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This is completely awesome, and I’m not sure how I missed it last year! Thanks for reminding us that even fantabulous cooks/bakers have a few yearly “misses.” :) And if they were all this much fun, I wouldn’t mind my own so much!
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You have truly channeled Dr. Seuss in this post :) It is interesting how some of the recipes still look quite delicious (apple pie blondies), but more of a let down for you I’m sure when you bit in and it was boring! We can all relate x 1000 so this is very entertaining as well as therapeutic to read :)
Hello! My name is Bridget Thompson and I am a Production Assistant at The Dr. Oz Show in New York City. We are doing a segment on cooking and kitchen fails and would love to show your photos! Is this okay? Please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org or 212-259-1569. Thanks!
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THIS poem just made me laugh so hard. I probably read this back in 2011, but reading it in 2019…I’m dyin. I just imagine you and your husband with no kids at the time, drinking wine, cackling and writing this lovely poetry together at like 1am. I’ll be back to read this again next year. :) “trash? say hi to this plate!” god that’s funny.