1. The first text I received from my husband while he was in Vegas was, “soooo I think I might like ricotta cheese… ?” Oh really?

2. The second one I received said, “I also like red wine!”

3. My real question is… how many liters of rum did it take for him to like red wine?

4. While he was gone, I ate this salad a bunch of times.

Don’t be fooled: that is chopped lettuce, rice, my copycat chipotle corn salsa, a ton of guacamole and roasted chickpeas. Oh – and those aren’t REAL green beans. They are the crunchy dried green beans from Trader Joe’s. I wanted to make a chipotle burrito bowl, but I had no black beans… or chicken… or pork… or an appropriate cheese.

5. I took a picture of that on the floor, then… sat there and ate it on the floor.

6. After I ate that salad, I rubbed my eyes with my jalapeno-oil covered hands. Then I did it again yesterday. I hate myself.

7. Fact: I eat roasted chickpeas everyday of my life and have been doing so for about two years. If you’re wondering if we ever turn off the oven in this joint, the answer is no. And bears like beets.

8. The only thing I took away from reading Fifty Shades of Grey is that my next car will be an Audi R8.

9. Mr. How Sweet says I will be getting my next car in approximately 67 years.

10. I spent Friday with my favorite little FACE BABY! I wanted to snack on his chubby thighs. Hope that’s not weird.

11. Last week I whined about how I have no creative talent when it comes to baking for themed holidays. Since then, I’ve discovered this bunny butt cake which I am for some crazy reason – OBSESSED with… and these cupcakes. !!!!! Lord give me patience. And tequila.

12. I can’t even tell you how physically, mentally and emotionally uncomfortable I feel during Kristen Wiig’s multiple engagement party speeches in Bridesmaids. CRINGE.