Welp… things are about to get a whole lot more personal on How Sweet It Is. Hold on to your boots bacon.
Something happened today that I am pretty sure will change my life forever.
Today, I gave my resignation for that place where I spend my time from 8am until 5pm every single day. I still don’t believe it. I think it was a dream. And my head really, really hurts.
Although this was not planned, it has been a long time coming. Only once last year did I truly express my unhappiness and my true passion in life. And unless you got up close and personal with me, you really would have had no idea the situation I was in.
My health has suffered. My positive attitude has suffered. My wellbeing has suffered. My relationships have suffered. My marriage has suffered. Last night, Mr. How Sweet told me that it’s called “work” for a reason. I’m sorry, but I just can’t accept that.
All I really want is peace.
The biggest thing that has stopped me from doing this until now? GUILT. Guilt for having a job when so many others out there are suffering and would do anything for one. Guilt for leaving my husband with the burden of “taking care of me” and being solely financially responsible for our lives if I can’t find another job. Guilt for wanting to pursue what I really want – because isn’t that just a fairytale? Guilt for getting to do what I want when so many others don’t get to. Why do I get to be so lucky? Or reckless? I guess it depends on how you look at it.
To me, being reckless would be to run far away and live on hope. Like here:
I didn’t quit my job to blog. I don’t want you thinking that I am just like every other blogger out there that is miserable in their job and then bucks up and heads out. I was miserable with my place of employment long before I began my blog. See, I can’t survive on my blog alone. And even more importantly – I don’t know if I want to. I love writing this website as a hobby and it has brought more joy and life into my life than anything else in the past 15 months. To be perfectly cliché: it has made me come alive.
(But this can get to be an expensive hobby. If I post ramen noodles will you still read? Please? What about ramen noodles with bacon?)
I’m pretty scared. Okay, I’m scared to death. I emotionally ate 36 oreos while watching 6 DVR-ed episodes of Boy Meets World hoping that Mr. Feeny would pass a few pearls of wisdom to me from the other side of the tube. All I got was the episode where he announces he is retiring to Wyoming, and says “there comes a time when change just feels right.”
Good enough for me.