I have always wanted to be artsy. I’ve always secretly wished I was a Martha Stewart-like domestic goddess who could sew her own throw pillows and make a fancy trinket out of old items hanging out in my linen closet.

Last week, Jenny posted these glittery pumpkins on Amanda’s blog and I thought they were so super cute. I love fall decorations and I especially love glitter, so of course this caught my eye.

I thought, I can easily do this! And even better… What an economical little craft!


So I dragged myself to Michael’s and bought the required supplies. I picked up this cute little pumpkin:

And I already had a Sharpie in my bag of tricks, so I didn’t need to buy that. I drew some squiggly lines on said pumpkin. A preschooler could have drawn better squiggles.

Notice I didn’t buy the proper pumpkin, because I thought I could be fancier. When will I learn? Drawing on this lumpy, bumpy pumpkin was not easy.

And I bought some black glitter… the Martha brand of course. Because speanding $5 for a tiny tub of Martha glitter will make my crafting abilities greater than if I just bought some generic stuff.

I love the color black and I love glitter.

What I failed to pick up? The paint brush. I figured I could do without one. I was really trying to be economical and save myself some money on this little craft.

Don’t follow my lead.

This is what happens when you have no patience and choose to ignore instructions:

So I have no paint brush and nothing that even resembles a paint brush anywhere in my house. Because I obviously thought I could do this without following the directions.

But what comes to my rescue? One of my beloved makeup brushes.

I have about 6 of these. I have a slight makeup and beauty product obsession. I’d like to share more at a later date. How do you feel about that?

But for now, just know that this makeup brush saved my disaster pumpkin from becoming even more of a… disaster.

By this point, I just wanted to get the pumpkin over with. My patience had worn thin. Not that it had ever been thick, but still. I was pacing. I was hungry. I was ready to throw a Mr. How Sweet-sized tantrum.

So I cleaned it up the best I could, tried to set it at a fancy angle, and snap a few pictures.

I was actually going to try and tell you a little fib. Tell you all that this craft worked out perfectly if I could just get a nicely angled shot.

But then I looked a little closer… and it just looked a mess. Who am I kidding? I’m only showing you this side for a reason.

And I think Mr. How Sweet’s face said it all when I excitedly told him that, I made a craft for our house! It’s a pretty decoration! It’s on on the bar. Go bring it out.

[Sidebar: Even though I have no evidence of it, I swear Mr. How Sweet wears shirts with sleeves. Sometimes.]

This isn’t even a posed shot. I grabbed the camera while he went into the other room to grab the pumpkin, and he walked out looking like this.
His response? So you bought something… just to do that to it?
And then, Well, it would have made a better story if we had kids. Because then we could have said that our 2-year old made it.

Why, oh why can’t I be crafty? I don’t have the eye for it. I don’t have the hand for it. And I certainly don’t have the attention span for it.

This, my friends, is why I just buy decorations.

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81 Responses to “Why I Don’t Do Crafts.”

  1. #
    vesta — October 14, 2010 @ 9:03 am

    I think you did a pretty good job! Just display it so the ‘good” side is facing out and no one will know the difference! I love Martha Stewart and have tons of her glitter, I am a little obsessed. I do lots of crafts and they are never perfect, its how you know they are hand made.


  2. #
    teresa — October 14, 2010 @ 3:34 pm

    This is HILARIOUS Jessica!
    I don’t DO~CRAFTS either!
    Sometimes I feel so BORING because I DON’T DO CRAFTS!
    Mr. How Sweet’s face is priceless!
    Love it!
    And LOVE you for keeping it REAL over here!
    I was going to tell a FIB on Blooming on Bainbridge too today!
    But I didn’t!
    Yeah for us for not being FIBBERS!
    Love your glittered pumpkin!
    And I just bet you smile every time you walk by it!


  3. #
    Andrea — October 14, 2010 @ 6:24 pm

    I think it’s a very good attempt! I rather like the result.


  4. #
    Trish — October 15, 2010 @ 12:06 pm

    Well, compared to the kind of crafts I pull together, yours looks incredible. None of the artistic talent in the family went to me. I imagine my two brothers secretly sew and put together beautiful centerpieces behind my back so I don’t feel bad about it.


  5. #
    Ravenous Rowie — October 15, 2010 @ 7:27 pm

    Ha! Love your craft project! It really came out looking cute in the end! Oh, and I would love to read a post about your makeup addiction at some point! I love that kind of stuff! And just so you know, artfully applying makeup is a crafty skill all on it’s own! You are so artsy craftsy, and you didn’t even know it! ;)


  6. #
    Jessica @ Jessiker Bakes — October 18, 2010 @ 7:21 pm

    Hahaha I’m sorry but his expression = priceless! I’m very crafty, but seriously there are times where I’d rather just PURCHASE (for example) the cupcake stand than make it. I don’t blame you for just buying decorations :). So much easier & less insanity.


  7. #
    Kimberly — July 21, 2011 @ 4:43 pm

    Laughing out loud at work reading this!! Love you!! hahaha


  8. #
    fluke — November 21, 2011 @ 6:31 pm

    hahahahaha! you seriously crack me up!


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