1. I’ve eaten ice cream every day. Plus s’mores every night. Like four or five s’mores. It’s what vacation is for!

2. The only reason that cone is in a dish is because I was too drunk to eat it and take care of the melting ice cream properly. I hide nothing from you. It’s pretty embarrassing.

3. For seven days, I packed 11 dresses, six pairs of jeans (colored, cropped, etc), four pairs of yoga crops, two skirts, about 23 tops, but only one lounge-around/sleep in type t-shirt. And guess what? All I’ve been doing is lounging around. #notwise

4. These neon meringues were made for me. Right?

5. Truth.

6. When my husband is stuck on airplanes with no place to go, he sends me texts like this pertaining to our future. Apparently when it comes time to have kids, things will be fiiiiine according to Kentucky Derby breeding standards.

7. I cannot even begin to wrap my brain around this.

8. My brother alerted me to this website – textfromdog – and I keep sharing it with everyone I know. OMG. We cannot stop laughing, and I mean HYSTERICALLY laughing. We keep pulling the site up in restaurants and reading it and exploding into hysteria while people look at us like we’re insane. We read them mid-drink so someone snorts beer out their nose from laughing so hard. I literally laugh ’til I cry and almost pee my pants. Seriously… just please read it.

9. I want to paddleboard this week. Do we think I can do it? Do we think I will smack my face off the board and end up with a concussion and die? Do we think I have ten zillion irrational fears, one especially being that somehow a shark has most definitely made it’s way into the lake and it will for sure come and eat ME and only me? Do we think I will spend all the time on the board whining and complaining? Do we think there is a way I can obnoxiously get my iPhone into the water without destroying it? I have so many questions.

10. We are soooo close to the Olympics that my excitement is in overdrive. If I had any friends and was put together enough, I’d totally throw an Olympics party and create a (very uncrafty, messy, impatient) version of this.

11. Last night was the first time this man ate a s’more.

Up until now, he thought he “hated marshmallows.” Dubahyuuu Teee Efff. Right?

12. Oh and P.S. – he ate six.

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62 Responses to “Tuesday Things.”

  1. #
    Anna @ Crunchy Creamy Sweet — July 25, 2012 @ 4:12 pm

    OMG, you got me totally addicted to textfromdog!!


  2. #
    JulieD — July 25, 2012 @ 6:03 pm

    I still can’t believe he just tried s’mores!! Now he has to make up for lost time!!


  3. #
    Paula @ Frosted Fingers — July 25, 2012 @ 8:14 pm

    6 s’mores?! I think I’d be sick :) Enjoy your vacation.


  4. #
    Ashley — July 25, 2012 @ 10:16 pm

    I love/hate you for introducing me to texts from dog. Productivity = plummeting. Entertainment = endless.


  5. #
    Jen at The Three Little Piglets — July 26, 2012 @ 2:26 am

    At 2:30 in the morning that site if freakin’ hilarious!


  6. #
    Kim in MD — July 26, 2012 @ 5:38 pm

    Oh my gosh…textfromdog is so funny! How exciting that Mr. How Sweet ate S’mores- his palate is getting so sophisticated! ;-) Keep having fun, Jessica!


  7. #
    Krissy @ Make it Naked — July 26, 2012 @ 10:17 pm

    OMG did you paddleboard??! I want to do that so badly! Report back if you went! And I’d totally have an olympic party too if the work week didn’t just suck the life out of me. I have two goals this weekend…1 stay up late enough to watch USA march out tomorrow and 2 make a GF version of that fantastical skillet upside down banana madness you just posted. Holy eff.


  8. #
    Tawny — July 27, 2012 @ 12:50 pm

    I had my first s’more last year. I thought I hated marshmallows too. I was wrong!


  9. #
    Melanie — July 27, 2012 @ 1:26 pm

    Your blog is absolutely brilliant!! I’ve nearly peed my pants laughing so hard. Keep up the great work!


  10. #
    Meaghan — July 30, 2012 @ 5:33 pm

    1. That Zack Morris article… mind = blown.
    2. Texts from dog … I’m currently on page 12 so thanks for that. I won’t stop til I’m all caught up ! !
    3. I’ve been wanting to try paddleboarding for YEARS now and I haven’t because of my NOT AT ALL irrational fear of sharks. They ARE real and they will EAT me and I WILL die. (But I’d get some killer abs on me in one session so maybe it will be worth it….)


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