Wanted: a full time frosting finisher, to prevent me from doing things like this.

Duties include:

  • being sneaky. you must smuggle frosting away from my watchful eye.
  • eating a lot. you must finish bowls upon bowls of frosting so I don’t bathe in it.
  • being strong. you will need to wrestle the last bit of frosting from my white-knuckled claws.
  • fighting me. for times when I won’t give the frosting up.
  • being clever. the “throw-the-frosting-in-the-freezer” trick does not work with me.
  • swift shopping. you may need to get me new elastic-waistband pants stat. lickety split, I say.
  • listening to me whine. because I do that a lot.

Please apply within.