1. Do you know what I have no idea how to do? Make those cute little emoticons in text messages and on instagram and just with my iPhone in general. I can’t figure it out. It’s like I’m a granny. I see people put all these cute little faces and even food things! in their messages, and I’m stumped. Though it’s probably for the best, because I am sure I would annoyingly overuse them like everything else in my life.

2. I’m on an itty bitty muffin binge. Excellent, since you know, well… Halloween candy. It’s my answer and excuse for everything. What’s for dinner tonight? HALLOWEEN CANDY. Why aren’t you cooking anything? HALLOWEEN CANDY. What sounds good to eat right now? HALLOWEEN CANDY. It’s bad. But anyway, I am oogling these quinoa muffins and healthy apple cinnamon muffins. Oooooh so good.

3. Last week, before the new episode of Homeland on Sunday, I watched the previous episode six times. SIX TIMES people. Oompf. I can’t get enough. And while we’re at it, I have a crazy obsession with Nashville too. Oh and before you think that I lay on the couch all day and watch TV (which I sometimes do), I mostly DVR everything and watch it while I edit photos or do some sort of work that doesn’t require 100% of my attention. But I still have no life. Trust me.

4. On Saturday I had lunch with Jessica and ate that glorious pizza above. I ridiculously wore hot pink heels to a serious farm to table restaurant and could feel the glares burning into my head, as well as the horrifying stares as I click-clunked all over the place while walking. Then right as we were about the eat, the most gigantic mosquito ever (no really) planted itself about two inches from my head and decided to just… stay there. I had a meltdown and the man at the table behind us had to come kill the mosquito. Do we think I can show my face there again? I am so embarrassing.

5. Speaking of the above, say hello to the most amazing list ever: 25 things you should stop caring about. YES.

6. I have seriously been sucked into all those crazy you tube beauty videos and like all other trends, I’m about four years late to the party. I lay in bed at night and watch these videos on my iPad and before I know it, it’s 2AM and I already have anxiety about how much I’ll hate life in the morning but I can’t.stop.watching. Then I need to figure out what to do about the bags under my eyes since I stayed up all night watching beauty videos, so I watch more beauty videos. Then I realize that I’m watching people like ten years younger than me telling me what to do about my bags and I want to punt my computer across the floooor.

7. Uh, how about SLEEP. That is what I should be doing.

8. Tons of you have been alerting me to the fact that, OMG, Lisa Frank stuff is available at Urban Outfitters. Um. You know me so well.

9. Because the first sentence is utterly perfect, please read all about unfriending people on the internet. Then agree with me that no, we do not EVER need to have high school class reunions again, ever. Taylor Swift style. If we want to reunite with somebody, preeeeeetty sure we can find them. Unfortunately.

10. The Chinese restaurant a few miles away knows my husband by name and order now. It’s like that episode of Sex and the City where they know Miranda’s order by heart and she takes offense. However, I think he sort of likes it and it’s making his life easier. I think it’s becoming one of his food phases, like his addiction to diet Mountain Dew and peanut butter and jelly and English muffins. That would be why I have so many leftover fortune cookies. Clearly he missed the memo on my little weekly menu down there in the footer.

11. Do you think I can get a fortune that will tell me the ending to Homeland, or say something like “Homeland will be on every single day now for the rest of your life, enjoy!”? I need some magic. Or better yet, a fortune that says “your life will become more interesting very soon.” Please.