life with max: twelve weeks in.
Over the years as I’ve complained about time going so fast, people always told me “wait until you have kids.” As usual, I was like yeah… whatever.
Welp. They are right.
No idea how I have an almost three month old. It makes me sad and happy and I feel all the feels.
He is still so very happy. This constantly blows my mind, not because I expected to have a miserable baby or anything, but I can be such a high anxiety headcase (hello type A) and I figured it would somehow pass on to him. I’ve had a few moments of insanity as expected, and I feel like all of my other responsibilities and work are a trainwreck, but the minute I hold him or pick him up, I instantly relax. It is the craziest thing. Like even if he is screaming, he relaxes me – or at least my mind subconsciously knows that I need to be calm and relaxed in order to calm him.
For someone who felt like they lacked all natural mothering instincts and all that, it amazes me that I am only calm and patient with him. I mean, I am the queen of impatience. And somehow, I have never got frustrated yet. I’m sure it will come but I am so freaking thankful that it has turned out this way. I seriously thought I would be the complete opposite. And I feel like it’s one of the reasons that he is happy and calm? I don’t know anything, but we are (embarrassingly) chill together.
Chill? Yeah. Apologies. I had no other word.
It’s amazing to watch him play everyday. He changes so much! Everybody always says that about babies but I don’t think it really sinks in until you see it happen. Today I actually watched him lay on his little play gym for 15 minutes and stare at his hand, then raise his arm, try to grab the toy that was hanging down, touch it and react in bewilderment. And then repeat it all. It was INCREDIBLE. Little teeny human.
On top of the constant reaching and grabbing and kicking and moving, he is still shrieking and squealing and talking to me constantly. We haven’t had that belly laugh yet but he does this deep breath-y type laugh with a huge smile that is so funny. Like probably only funny if you’re his mom, but totally funny.
He has started to smile while he is nursing. Like will look up at me and have this gigantic smile on his face. I lose it.
His expressions are just out of control. In the matter of a few seconds he goes from the furrowed brow to a somewhat meltdown, maybe even with tears, to a huge smile and then to his breathy giggle. It makes my life.
In short, everyday so far has been priceless.
This is officially (probably) the last formal weekly update that I am going to do. I have loved writing about his weeks and my thoughts on his weeks over these last three months even though it’s something I never expected to do. I will most likely still share SOMETHING on the baby page every week, maybe even twice a week, but not a hey-my-babe-is-so-many-weeks update. More like favorites, a day in the life, things we are doing and loving and maybe even just a photo dump for my own selfish reasons. Like since it’s going to finally be spring we can do things other than lay on blankets and take photos every.single.day.
P.S. thank you for loving on my little man with me. You guys are the best. xoxoxoxo