I have no sense of direction. Like… absolutely none.
Hold up, let me check just one more time…
…yep. None. At all.
Yesterday I was driving home from a friend’s house and tried to take a shortcut and ended up lost during rush hour for 45 minutes. I was GPS-less and all my iPhone has is that maps thing (who can read those and city-drive?) and after glancing at that a few times I almost killed myself and half the city of Pittsburgh on wheels. Well, at least I think that is all my phone has but last time I checked, technology wasn’t my strong point either.
And one time (
at band camp), as I was driving to the same friend’s house to watch the VERY important Dawson’s Creek series finale (team Pacey fo’ life!), I went across the wrong bridge. Then I got in the wrong lane. Then I ran over one of those giant orange cones. I would have kept going, except the owner of that giant orange cone (a hefty police person) flagged me down. Any other wise person would have just kept going… the man was on foot for gosh sakes during rush hour traffic on a BRIDGE. Over WATER.
But no. I pulled over like a nice girl and he gave me a ticket and screamed at me for destroying his orange cone (uhh… pretty sure you can get another one of those) and almost crushing his toes. I mean… it’s not like I MEANT to do it.
I was still lost and had no idea how to get to my destination and I wasn’t dare asking Mr. Orange Cone so I called my mom and just screamed and cried and threw a massive tantrum and acted like it wasn’t my fault, because really, why should I need a sense of direction? ANNNND now I was going to miss the beginning of the Dawson’s finale.
This is also sort of reminiscent of what happened this past Sunday when I asked Mr. How Sweet what nine times twelve is and he just stared me down like my brain was full of mush. I flipped out and told him that “I don’t need no stinkin’ math skills” and who cares if I don’t know what 30% off of $79.99 is because seriously, when will I ever need that?! Besides when I want to buy a top that is $79.99 and 30% off. Then I was all, “Seriously, don’t even look at me that way because you don’t even eat things that taste good, like avocados and coconut. I would much rather eat really good food then be good at math.”
Well… I have no point, except for the fact that after I finally returned home last night (um, 3 hours later), I soothed myself with three of these cookie bars. Doesn’t chewing chewy things relieve stress or something? I’ve got that covered. My jaw got a workout. Chocolate works miracles.
Chewy Chocolate Chunk Marshmallow Cookie Bars
[adapted from the giant rainbow [+cook's illustrated, I think] cookies]
makes one 9 x 13 pan
2 cups of all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 sticks (12 tablespoons) of salted butter, melted and cooled
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg + 1 egg yolk, at room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chunks
3/4 cup marshmallow fluff
1/2 cup crisped rice cereal
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and flour a 9 x 13 over-safe baking dish.
Mix the flour and baking soda in a bowl and set aside. In another bowl, mix the butter and sugars until they are mixed. Add the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla and stir until mixed. Gradually add flour and mix until a dough forms – it will look crumbly at first, but it will come together. Fold in chocolate chunks. Gently fold in marshmallow fluff until you have a thick “ribbon” throughout the dough. Finally, fold in rice cereal.
Press dough in the baking dish evenly. Bake for 30-35 middles, or until edges are golden and middle is just a little jiggly. I covered my dish with foil about 25 minutes in so the top would not get too brown. Let cool for 30 minutes, then cut!
I might get lost more often.
[p.s. facebook fan giveaway today!]