[given that next tuesday is Christmas, I have no idea when I'll be sharing another tuesday things. maybe monday. maybe thursday. maybe some really cool day that I don't even know about yet. until then...]

1. The Dave Barnes holiday album. Where has this been all my life? Specifically, track #2 with Hillary Scott. According to iTunes I have played this 229 times since buying it this past weekend. True story. You have four days… do it.

2. The 25 funniest auto-corrects of 2012. O. M. G. I read this early this morning and literally had tears pouring down my face because I was laughing so hard. By myself. In my kitchen. I was dyyyyying. And I just did it again. It won’t ever get old. disclaimer: if you are easily offended… don’t look. BUT PLEASE LOOK.

3. How totally demented is it that a part of me sort of wants Carrie and Saul together on Homeland? What is wrong with me? I mean, this is SO inappropriate. Is the show doing this to my brain? What an odd yet perfect dynamic. This makes me hate myself. Just stop.

4. All I want for Christmas is Santa to bring me a daily, live-in, kitchen-cleaner person.

That is all. Carry on.

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60 Responses to “Four Important Things That Can’t Wait Until Tuesday.”

  1. #
    1
    Julie — December 20, 2012 @ 5:03 pm

    Just read the 25 best autocorrects. My sides hurt now, I was laughing so hard

    Reply

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    2
    Natalie @ will jog for food — December 20, 2012 @ 5:03 pm

    The Carrie and Saul thing would be a little creepy! haha. I’m pretty sure he definitely just sees her as a daughter. He was very excited to hear his wife was coming home :)

    Reply

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    3
    Kristina — December 20, 2012 @ 5:08 pm

    “maybe some really cool day I don’t even know about yet” <– this. I used this quote just this morning, and … probably at least once every couple weeks.

    I had tears running down my face as I enjoyed a (much needed) laugh at those auto corrects yesterday. then I went to the other room and showed Jason, and laughcried all over again. so good.

    Reply

    • Jessica — December 20th, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

      i use that quote at least once a day. so timeless.

      Reply

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    Jules — December 20, 2012 @ 5:09 pm

    OMG! I cannot stop crying, I was literally gasping for air. That is the funniest crap I have read in forever!!

    Reply

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    5
    jamie @ green beans & grapefruit — December 20, 2012 @ 5:18 pm

    That auto-corrects things is hilarious even if it’s possibly made up. And ick to Carrie and Saul! NOOOO. Saul’s wife needs to come back and I really don’t know how i feel about any current characters being with Carrie. LOVED that end scene though. Happy Holidays! x

    Reply

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    6
    Sarah S. — December 20, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

    You know, I kind of what Saul and Carrie together too. I get that he is like a father figure to her. But still. But now his wife is coming back. So… But unfortunately, Sarita Chaudhury is not longer all Mississippi Masala up in the hizzle. I don’t know. I’m just at a loss!

    I was kind of thinking she might get with the dude who they hired to kill Broady? Do you like him? I like him a lot.

    Reply

    • Jessica — December 20th, 2012 @ 5:21 pm

      um, “like” doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about him. sort of obsessed? yes.

      Reply

      • Sarah S. — December 20th, 2012 @ 5:22 pm

        Yes. Especially after he gave Estes DA BIZNASS!

        • Jessica — December 20th, 2012 @ 5:24 pm

          HAHAHA!!!

  7. #
    7
    Cindi — December 20, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

    Oh my gosh. Okay, I never comment, but I had to tell you that I cannot even get through that auto-correct list. Tears are pouring down my face from laughing so hard.

    Reply

    • Jessica — December 20th, 2012 @ 5:21 pm

      RIGHT!!! still crying.

      Reply

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    Ashley — December 20, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

    #3 thought about it. #2 going now. #1 absolutely no idea who that is. #4. yes.

    Reply

  9. #
    9
    Erin @ The Food Doctors — December 20, 2012 @ 5:22 pm

    I am all for a Carrie – Saul hook up, but that’s probably just because Saul is the best man EVER, and I’m totally projecting. They also definitely need to work in the ‘you kill my father. prepare to die’ line. #LetsTrashUpHomeland

    Reply

  10. #
    10
    Jessica — December 20, 2012 @ 5:23 pm

    Read the auto correct list last night while laying in bed. I cried. It is epic!

    Reply

  11. #
    11
    Ashley — December 20, 2012 @ 5:25 pm

    I think I just snorted. Thank you #2.

    Reply

  12. #
    12
    Lindsay — December 20, 2012 @ 5:27 pm

    #24 had me crying… HILarious

    Reply

  13. #
    13
    Allisa — December 20, 2012 @ 5:30 pm

    So what’s the delicious-looking concoction in the glass up there?

    Reply

    • Jessica — December 20th, 2012 @ 5:37 pm

      I think… it was a manhattan.

      Reply

  14. #
    14
    katie — December 20, 2012 @ 5:31 pm

    Happy Holidays to you and your Mr. Sweet! Wishing you guys a beautiful one! <3

    Reply

  15. #
    15
    dani — December 20, 2012 @ 5:41 pm

    My favorite autocorrect this year – when my roommate tried to type Lakeview (the neighborhood we live in) and his phone autocorrected to Lakeviewlakeviewwrigleyvillegoose Where does iPhone come up with this stuff??

    Reply

  16. #
    16
    Emily — December 20, 2012 @ 5:41 pm

    I probably shouldn’t have read that at work…people are staring at me like i’m crazy! HILARIOUS

    Reply

  17. #
    17
    TaraO — December 20, 2012 @ 5:49 pm

    I’m totally with you on the Dave Barnes album! I discovered him last year, and his songs are the best part of my Christmas playlist!

    Reply

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    18
    Katie @ Blonde Ambition — December 20, 2012 @ 5:51 pm

    Nooo I would never wish Carrie upon Saul! Luff him. She’s the perfect amount of cray cray for Brody.. I love/hate them together, but I would never have it any other way.

    Reply

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    19
    Adrianna from A Cozy Kitchen — December 20, 2012 @ 5:57 pm

    First of all, can we talk about how Brody and Carrie have no on-screen chemistry. NONE. It’s not believable at all. The Saul thing is a whittle weird, but I can see it. I actually hope that she ends up with the dude that was gonna kill Brody. HIM I like.

    Reply

    • lacy — December 20th, 2012 @ 6:54 pm

      Carrie and Quinn – YES. Or myself and Quinn would be good acceptable.

      Reply

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    20
    Aimee @ ShugarySweets — December 20, 2012 @ 5:57 pm

    OMG I totally needed that laugh. I’m crying. Seriously, tears of laughter. Glad you posted this early :)

    Reply

  21. #
    21
    lacy — December 20, 2012 @ 5:58 pm

    omg. seriously stop saying you want carrie and saul together. it is beyond disturbing. STOP. that is like saying you want Jason and Sookie together….

    Reply

    • Jessica — December 20th, 2012 @ 6:02 pm

      AHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

      Reply

  22. #
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    dervla @ The Curator — December 20, 2012 @ 6:18 pm

    Happy Holidays!! Can’t wait to see what 2013 brings :-)

    Reply

  23. #
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    Liz @ Tip Top Shape — December 20, 2012 @ 6:37 pm

    I get a live-in kitchen-cleaner when I go home for break tomorrow. She’s also known as my mother.

    Reply

  24. #
    24
    Karly — December 20, 2012 @ 7:34 pm

    I vote for the girl that sleeps with the boy’s shi(r)t as the number 1 autocorrect of the year. SO FUNNY.

    Reply

  25. #
    25
    Alissa — December 20, 2012 @ 7:40 pm

    I read #2 to my husband last night and we were both in tears. It almost makes me want to get an Iphone… almost.

    Reply

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    Sarah — December 20, 2012 @ 8:01 pm

    Carrie and Saul BELONG together. Did you see tr look in his eyes when he saw that she was still alive? It literally made me cry. It was better than when Richard Gere serenaded Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman!

    Reply

  27. #
    27
    Averie @ Averie Cooks — December 20, 2012 @ 8:26 pm

    Classic.List. Thanks for the LOLs!

    And can’t believe Xmas is…on Tuesday! Hope you and the fam have a great pre-xmas weekend!

    Reply

  28. #
    28
    Linda — December 20, 2012 @ 9:18 pm

    Jessica the typos were just what i needed today.. laughed so much! I just searched for this Dave Barnes on Youtube. OMG He is like Michael Buble!! LOVE LOVE HIM!! Thanks for the tip! I wish you and your family and very Merry Christmas and a very happy and safe New year! aaaaaaaaaaaaand lots and lots of hugs to your sweeet preciouse puppy dog! <3

    Reply

  29. #
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    kayla — December 20, 2012 @ 10:19 pm

    I’m usually only mildly entertained by the auto corrects, but. The epi pen one. Lost my mind. Literally sobbing literal tears at home alone.

    Reply

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    30
    April — December 21, 2012 @ 12:14 am

    I just had to thank you for the auto correct link! Normally I’m totally jaded about those kind of links and don’t expect much, but I seriously thought I might not be able to physically get through them all. I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t even scroll. I’m snickering to myself just thinking about the epi pen one.

    Reply

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    31
    Debbie — December 21, 2012 @ 2:02 am

    oh my gosh! Hubby and I are both crying from laughing so hard!

    Reply

  32. #
    32
    Dawn — December 21, 2012 @ 7:53 am

    i am CRYING on those autocorrects!!!!! i have to share that. good grief, still crying…

    Reply

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    33
    Sandra — December 21, 2012 @ 8:25 am

    Can’t stop laughing at the autocorrects! You have made my day Jessica. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

    Reply

  34. #
    34
    Alicia Greenrabbit — December 21, 2012 @ 8:29 am

    I just read the Auto correct,now i have to do my makeup again, I look like a zombie!
    I couldn’t even finish reading it it was so funny,OW, my sides hurt!!!!!

    Reply

  35. #
    35
    Alicia — December 21, 2012 @ 9:38 am

    Auto corrects were awesome. Glad there’s no one in the office today or they would have thought I was going crazy over here laughing so hard. Thanks I needed that.

    Reply

  36. #
    36
    Bev @ Bev Cooks — December 21, 2012 @ 10:18 am

    I know. I know I know I know. I’ve been reading the auto-corrects over and over and my whole face is sliding off my head in tears.

    okay bye. but not really.

    Reply

  37. #
    37
    Jenn — December 21, 2012 @ 10:33 am

    I just want to talk about Homeland all the time. I even talked about it last night with the woman who was spray tanning me. I think that when you start having naked conversations with strangers, you know you’re obsessed.

    Also, remember in season 1 when Carrie messed up and was kind of going nuts and she attempted (unsuccessfully) to seduce Saul? That was awful and I screamed NO NO NO at the tv so whenever I get the notion of the two of them concquering the world together, I just think back to that awkwardness.

    Reply

  38. #
    38
    Jenna — December 21, 2012 @ 10:37 am

    LOVE the list of funniest auto-corrects – i was literally crying/laughing at my desk at work!! I was just forwarded your blog from a coworkers last week, and I’m so glad that she did!

    Reply

  39. #
    39
    Lucy — December 21, 2012 @ 11:09 am

    OH.EM.GEE. Thank you for introducing me to Dave Barnes’ soulful & soothing voice! Obsessed!! And the autocorrects made my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. Thank you thank you!

    Reply

  40. #
    40
    Carol Adams — December 21, 2012 @ 11:29 am

    Omg
    I so needed the auto correct laugh.. You have no idea!
    Downloaded the Dave Barnes Album… It’s amazing!
    Hubs and I love Homeland, also! Mandy Patinkin is just brilliant.
    Cannot wait for the next season!
    Happy holidays, Jessica!
    I’m old enough to be your mom but love your blog…
    You are a crack up! Always!!

    Reply

  41. #
    41
    Elizabeth @Food Ramblings — December 21, 2012 @ 12:56 pm

    i’m all over the autocorrects— read at work and that was a huge mistake…laughed way too loud at my desk!

    Reply

  42. #
    42
    Ashley @ Wishes and Dishes — December 21, 2012 @ 1:38 pm

    My hubby is obsessed with Dave Barnes!! His music is awesome!

    Reply

  43. #
    43
    Stefanie @ Sarcastic Cooking — December 21, 2012 @ 2:51 pm

    Carrie and Saul? No way! Carrie and Quinn yes. However after him overhearing that super awkward sex-uation between Carrie and Brody, he might not be into ol’ crazy face.

    Reply

  44. #
    44
    Kathy W — December 21, 2012 @ 2:59 pm

    Thank you for making me almost fall out of my chair from laughing so hard. Have a great holiday!

    Reply

  45. #
    45
    jan — December 21, 2012 @ 7:35 pm

    very funny!!1

    Reply

  46. #
    46
    Sadie — December 21, 2012 @ 9:40 pm

    The picture o

    Reply

  47. #
    47
    Sadie — December 21, 2012 @ 9:41 pm

    The picture of Britney Spears…

    Reply

  48. #
    48
    kyla — December 24, 2012 @ 12:12 pm

    “wawa skittletits”

    Reply

  49. #
    49
    Elinor — December 27, 2012 @ 10:03 am

    Hey there– what camera app are you using to get the effects of the hearts and stars?? Like the one you have above with your adorable doggy? I love it!!

    Reply

    • Jessica — December 27th, 2012 @ 10:04 am

      bokehful, lumie and picfx!

      Reply

      • Elinor — December 27th, 2012 @ 11:09 am

        COOL!! Thank you so much!

  50. #
    50
    Larry — December 27, 2012 @ 3:17 pm

    So, I read that list of the 25 worst auto-corrects when Pink posted it on her twitter (love her) and I was in the middle of watching Law & Order: SVU (obSESSED), which just happens to be the least laugh-worthy show I love watching, and I could NOT help myself from laughing out loud, my eyes watering so badly I couldn’t even see my phone screen. Terrific.

    Reply

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