I don’t like coffee.

I want to like coffee. I really do.

But why would I want to like something that is seen as a vice to so many people?

I can just see myself sitting cozily on a couch in a local coffee shop, ‘meeting someone for coffee’ and feeling sophisticated as my grubby little fingers envelop the warm mug.

I would probably be wearing some cute skinny jeans, too.

In reality, ‘stuffed sausage’ would be the more appropriate way to describe skinny jeans on my thighs, and because I’ve spent all of my money on shoes, I have nothing left to buy coffee.

Thank goodness I don’t like it.

This also would insinuate that we have a local coffee shop and that I have a friend to meet there.

Wrong again.

The fact is, I don’t like many warm drinks at all. They feel weird going down the pipe. The only warm drinks I consider a staple in my life are usually laced with a touch of whiskey or rum.

However, I really enjoy mocha or coffee-flavored foods.

Coffee ice cream. Tiramisu. Cappuccino truffles.

In case you were wondering, actual coffee doesn’t taste like this. In fact, actual coffee tastes like dirty water. It is easy to be fooled by the flavors. I have come home bearing bags stuffed to the brim of coconut macaroon and french toast flavored coffee. I’ve tried cinnamon swirl cream and vanilla pecan. I’ve bought chocolate truffle and mocha-I-taste-nothing-like-chocolate coffee.

I’ve sold my first born child all in the hopes of finding a coffee I love.

I do love the occasional iced or frozen coffee loaded with a gallon of cream, sugary syrups, whipped topping, and cinnamon. While we’re at it, throw a few scoops of ice cream in there, too. Why not? I’m not ever going to look good in those skinny jeans anyway.

Basically, I love any drink that tastes more like chocolate and barely resembles coffee.

Since granola ranks up there on the list of foods-I-can’t-stop-eating-even-when-my-pant-buttons-pop, I figured a mocha flavor would be perfect. I added some coconut in there too, because in my mind, the world is happier with coconut.

Mr. How Sweet disagrees. He’d probably put chicken breast in his granola.

As soon as the granola came out of the oven, I sprinkled it with chocolate chips. They melted just slightly, resulting in a delicious, chocolate granola that had a crunchy and creamy texture.

So much better than coffee.

Mocha Granola

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  • Combine all ingredients together and mix until wet. Spread on a baking sheet and bake for 1o minutes. Flip the granola and bake for another 5 minutes. Flip again and bake for a final 5 minutes.
  • Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips on top.

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Perhaps if they made a bacon-flavored coffee I would enjoy it?