Were you wondering how many packages of bacon I have in my fridge right now?

Because the answer is four. Four packages. One less package than I had yesterday.

Sometimes I can be a bit excessive.


Would you still be my friend if I told you I buy butter in bulk? How about if you saw the purple tie-dyed scrunchy I wrap my hair up with when I wash my face at night? Or the catastrophe that I call my closet? Or even worse, my makeup drawer, dusted with bits of glittery Midnight Cowboy? That’s an Urban Decay eye shadow by the way. I don’t hoard burly men wearing cowboy hats in the middle of the night inside my dresser drawers.

Or the fact that I made a strawberry peach crumble and ate the entire thing in 24 hours?

Or what if you knew that I forgot to shower for two days? Wrong? Mr. How Sweet thought so. I didn’t mind.

How about if I told you that I toasted these chickpeas in bacon grease? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Appalled?

Raise your hand if you believe that bacon should be rewarded with a national holiday.  Twice a year even. I’d celebrate. I’d throw the party. You’re all invited.


This chickpea salad is a dream come true. And yes, my vegetarian friends, I will use the word ‘salad’ loosely. Because I can only get away with frying something in bacon grease and calling it a salad so many times. It’s bratty. Nobody likes a brat.

The way I see it, this chickpea concoction should be at the top of your list. It has fiber. It’s kinda crunchy. It has green peppers and red onion and garlic that have been sizzled in salty bacon grease, in turn making it slightly reminiscent of a cheesy pizza coated with bacon crumbles. It’s sprinkled with freshly shaved parmesan cheese that holds everything together like glue. Savory, creamy glue. Delicious right? Don’t worry. Tastes much better than it sounds. Note to self: buy a thesaurus.

Toasty Parmesan Chickpea Salad

serves 2

1 15-ounce can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed

1 slice of bacon, chopped

1/4 red onion, chopped

1/4 green pepper, chopped

1 garlic clove, minced

1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese

a bunch of freshly chopped parsley

Heat a skillet on medium heat. Add bacon and fry until golden. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on a paper towel, leavng grease in the skillet. Add onions and green peppers to the bacon fat, and cook for 2 minutes.

Make sure chickpeas are dry and toss with paprika and pepper. Add to onions and peppers, stirring and toasting for 5-7 minutes. Add garlic and cook for one minute. Turn off heat and add parmesan cheese and parsley. Sprinkle on bacon. Serve immediately.

Would you still be my friend if I told you this really only served one person? I was a little hungry.