1. I seriously believe it is a life law to have a large stash of chocolate in your possession at all times. That’s why the above has been in my purse since Friday. Well… what’s left of it.

2. Um, please look at what I discovered today: a caprese MARGARITA. I don’t know how this is possible but it is possible and I want to ingest it as soon as possible. And since it has all that food in it, you could probably have one or two and call it lunch. Sort of like a bloody mary.

3. In continuing with my Barbie-barf wardrobe, I bought this neon skirt. Like so neon it hurts your eyes.

4. And is 29 too old to order a multicolored bright animal print type swimsuit? Because I’m losing my mind with the Victoria’s Secret bikini mixer. Just shoot me.

5. I already forgot to water my herbs and stuff today. I’m so screwed.

6. We decided to have blizzards as our weekend treat, because I’ve only been sharting myself every time I drive by Dairy Queen and see the words “confetti cake blizzard” lighting up the marquee. Um, below is my confetti cake blizzard. Lots of blizzard, little confetti. Like no confetti. Don’t these people know I need sprinkles? I almost took it back to complain, but then I took a taste and it resembled straight up cake batter, so I dumped nearly an entire jar of sprinkles over it and called it a day.

7. Before that though, we celebrated my favorite face baby’s first birthday. BEST CHEEKS EVER. Especially since they can hold so much cake. Just look.

8. Oh after we had those blizzards – which he devoured a LARGE oreo blizzard – and partied all day with party food, Mr. How Sweet decided this is what he wanted for dinner. Double the patties. And the bacon.

9. Meanwhile, all weekend I was seriously craving some falafel and now I’ve found this crispy baked falafel. I’m dying to make it, but now I sort of want that burger up there?

10. Okay… Girls. One of my favorite things to do is discuss Girls with Jessica, and we both agree that someone needs to give Hannah some lip gloss and a hair brush. I just can’t tear myself away, yet I can’t believe that any 20something does SOME of the stuff she does. You know what I’m talking about. Ack.

11. Plus, what does she have against brunch? And why doesn’t she want to go to brunch? I always want to go to brunch! Brunch usually includes alcohol in the mornings.

12. Oh Target… I love you and your obnoxiously large and cheap sunglasses.

13. Bella is so big and I hate it. At least her ears are still crimpy.