I made a gruesome discovery yesterday.

You know how a few weeks ago I mentioned some of the spring cleaning I was doing, and by spring cleaning I really mean going through my closet and trying on things with super high stilettos in order to procrastinate traditional spring cleaning?

It’s the truth.

Well. Yesterday I found a drawer that I missed. I don’t know how you miss a drawer, what with only six or so in your bedroom, but I succeeded at this. In said drawer were skirts. Like a lot of skirts. Denim skirts specifically, from American Eagle circa high school or college or something during that time period when American Eagle made the best denim skirts EVER and if you were anywhere between the ages of 14 and 21, you most likely owned two or three. So typically… I owned two or three.

The thing was, these skirts? They were like… SO FREAKING SHORT. Did I really wear these short skirts? I’m sort of embarrassed for myself. I mean I was trying them on and basically felt naked. It was like I was wearing a bathing suit bottom. One wrong move and I’d be in trouble. But seriously, I must be getting so old because I don’t even remember wearing these specific ones Ugh. I’m definitely getting old. I’m so boring.

Like, what did I wear with this dark wash skirt? And why did I pay what I can only assume was a small fortune for the very light washed skirt, that was totally weathered and torn and frayed? Not because I weathered and tore it myself, but because when you’re 18 it’s your life goal to buy a pair of jeans for $89 with a 2-week paycheck that are already torn to shreds.

Oh but get this. The most gruesome of the discoveries was all the way at the very bottom, where I spied a just-as-short CAMO skirt, Abercrombie circa a time period I’d like to forget. I hesitate to even speak of such horror because my husband is going to flame me when he gets home since I’ve tortured him endlessly about his Dale Jr cutoff’s and puffy camo winter jacket. Oh and the entire camo Under Armor line that he wishes was in his possession yesterday. It just wasn’t that the skirt is a blatantly obnoxious camouflage print – I do distinctly remember wearing some cute olive and taupe tanks with it for some sort of… outfit – but it’s the fact that the darn skirt is literally as long as it is wide. It’s like an actual square. Why I found this length appropriate to put on my body at some point and show my face in public, I have no idea.

Also noted: why I’m scared to death to have a child someday.

Now the worst, and especially embarrassing part? I didn’t get rid of the skirts. I know. TECHNICALLY it wasn’t really my fault. I mean, I totally was planning on tossing them in a bag to donate later this week, but in true Jessica fashion (um, definitely no pun intended) I got distracted mid-project because I heard Tell It To My Heart blasting from my iPod downstairs and had a spontaneous dance party, then started watching old True Blood clips, then read enough celeb gossip to make my head explode, then went for a walk and made dinner and by the time bedtime came along… those stupid skirts ended up back in the drawer that they came from as an easy out.

Now, if anyone sees me wearing one, you must promise to punch me in the face.

The only redeeming quality of my day was lunch and dinner, both which consisted of some leftover watermelon feta salad. And I use the term “leftover” loosely, since I didn’t have a chance to eat it the day before and inhaled the entire batch in two sittings.

I tried my twist on this trendy combination meshed with quinoa, because it’s one of those things that’s actually healthy that I adore. This here is sweet and savory, served cold for summer, and during these scorching months when my appetite tends to disappear in the heat of the day, it makes for the perfect light meal and is a superior pre-ice cream choice. Easiest side dish ever.

Watermelon Feta + Basil Quinoa

serves 2-4 generously

1 cup uncooked quinoa, rinsed (I used a mix of TJ’s tricolor quinoa)

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1 1/2 cups chopped fresh watermelon

1 tablespoon honey

2/3 cup crumbled feta cheese

15-20 basil leaves, chopped

the juice of 1 lime

Cook rinsed quinoa according to directions on package (which is most likely a 1:2 quinoa to water ratio). Let quinoa cool completely and toss with 1/2 teaspoon salt and pepper.

Toss chopped watermelon with 1/4 teaspoon salt and drizzle with honey. In a large bowl, combine cool (or even cold) quinoa, watermelon, crumbled feta and basil. Toss well, then squeeze in lime juice and toss again. Serve!

The heat may take away my desire to chew but it never takes away my desire to suck a margarita through a straw. This is a fact.