life with max: weeks 16 through 22.
WHERE IS THE TIME GOING?!
Is my baby still a baby? It’s going way to fast. I want to simultaneously bawl and giggle and smile and frown. These are definitely the most bittersweet moments of my life.
Yes yes, of course I wanted to write about Max sooner but I never want to do it at the expense of spending time with him. You know? Annnnnnd since my baby boy doesn’t know the glory of sleep yet (wait… I also don’t know the glory of sleep, soooo maybe that’s my gene), we spend LOTS of time together. Lots and lots and lots.
Milk parties every night! The best kind of parties. (We watch a lot of trash TV at 2AM, ahem.)
I don’t know how, but this child is so happy. He is so smiley, so wonderful, so giggly, so pleasant. For a baby who doesn’t care to sleep much, he is rarely fussy. And I feel so lucky and blessed and too lucky and wonder why I get him. Does that make sense? I totally don’t think I deserve him! He gets more fun every single day.
Just like you guys told me, we get more and more obsessed with him each and every day. He does something new every single day. We never want to leave him. I never want to put him down. Granted these days, I’m not holding him AS much as I was back in the early weeks (remember when I truly never put him down?!) but I always want to be cuddling him.
Some days are harder than others with the lack-of-sleep thing. But you know what? I actually… don’t care. I actually… sort of don’t mind. He hasn’t slept through the night yet but I don’t stress about it too much. I know these moments are passing by so fast. By how little I slept before he came along, I can only imagine that in 30 years I’ll be sleeping five hours a night and be awake and wishing I could cuddle a little baby around 4AM. I want to cry just thinking about how much I will miss it.
Even though I’m soaking up each and every moment, it still doesn’t feel like I’m soaking them up ENOUGH. Like I can’t get enough of him. I can’t eat his little cheeks enough and kiss him enough and inhale his baby scent enough. I can never, ever get enough of him!
What is this face? It kills me.
Why is a baby so funny? How does a baby make me laugh? THINGS ARE SO WEIRD.
Let’s see. I’m going to do a favorites post here soon, but lots of things have happened in the last six weeks.
Around six weeks ago, Max started rolling from back to front. Then he rolled from front to back by accident which scared the crap out of him and he had a major meltdown. It was hilarious. I’m constantly amazed at how he grabs for things and holds things and wants to put every single thing in his mouth. All he wants to do is stand up. He has the most gigantic smile ever and sometimes smiles over his eyelashes. It makes me want to melt.
He dyed Easter eggs for the first time!
We did an Easter photo shoot. He wore a bow tie. I died.
Clearly he still doesn’t love clothes.
We talk to each other all day long. I sing the most ridiculously songs and say things in voices that would make my former self cringe.
We’ve gone out a BUNCH! The three of us, but also just the two of us – me and Max. It’s still difficult but I take him places almost every day. Obviously it’s easier if it’s a leisurely trip, but I still find it difficult to do things like run quick errands because, um, hello – nothing is quick at this point in life. That’s the biggest struggle for me and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
We’ve gone shopping! For him and me. Shopping for him is much more fun.
Especially when it includes SHADES.
This boy never, ever lets go of his feet and toes. He shoves them in his mouth and holds them constantly, my little yoga babe.
His hair is getting curly! I think this might be one of the only traits he has from me. I have naturally wavy hair and now he has a curly little faux hawk. Um, are we ever going to be able to discipline this child?
I made him wear denim on denim. I told you I have zero fashion sense.
I’ve done some minimal meal prep on Sundays which has made life a lot easier throughout the week. Just some easy things for breakfast and lunch and snacks so I don’t grab garbage to eat all day.
Um, something not so hot – I got mastitis. Oh my freaking gosh. It was the sickest I have ever been in my life, and yes I am dramatic but this is no drama. I would rather go through child birth multiple times than have that ever again. I couldn’t hold one thing down and couldn’t eat or drink more than sips of gatorade for three days. At one point I really thought I was dying. This is totally not fair for moms! I couldn’t even hold Max, so Eddie would set him in my lap to eat. The bright side of this was that during those three days, Max totally fell in love with Eddie. Not like he wasn’t before, but you know… he is so used to me all day long and then with nursing, well, he’s attached.
Now? He is looking for Eddie all day long. Seriously. It is the cutest thing. When Eddie comes home he lifts up his head and giggles. When he leaves in the morning, he stares at the bedroom door for like five full minutes. When he hears his voice, he lights up. Eddie used to tear up before just looking at Max, and now it’s like ten-fold since they are BFFs.
GUYS. The shrieking and squealing. Whoa. He shrieks and squeals so much all day long that sometimes I have NO idea how he has any voice left at all. He loves to hear himself squeal and yell! Is he telling me how annoying I am and to please stop exploiting him on the internet?
I have to say that I feel a LOT better about things than I did a few weeks ago. I’m still in a slight identity crisis. I still feel lonely at times, I still am very torn about my passion for my job but the time and passion I have for this little guy. I still have so much that I want to do but unfortunately, very little time to do it. It is the best lesson for me in learning to pick and choose what is important and learning to manage my time better. I never want to sacrifice time with him because I know these are the most cherished days and what I will remember the most. Nothing much has changed since I last wrote, besides the fact that six weeks have past and I’m six weeks deeper into this new life, learning about myself and him and how things go now. What’s important, what’s not, when it’s okay to say no to things and why it’s important to look at the bigger picture.
Do I sound like a broken record? Totally.
Baby toes are the best snack. Who am I even?!?!
TWINNING on Mother’s Day!
Know what’s crazy? I still want 10 kids. I said it immediately after birth and I still feel that way. Maybe not ten since I started a little late, but I want more. I want to experience the birth again (am I insane?) and this craziness and love and see Max with brothers and sisters and give him built-in best friends.
I realize that I am very lucky in having a good experience this time around and I even get nervous writing about it because I know that it is not easy all the time and isn’t always like this for everyone else. I never want to alienate anyone with my words but I want to give an honest account of this time in my life. And it’s important for me, because I’ve said it many times: I did not think it would be like this. I thought it would be scary and horrible and that I was way too immature and all that stuff. And yes, those things apply but keeping a positive attitude has made this experience incredible. You know? I seriously have to thank YOU guys because you told me to do that – to stay positive and realize that things will be different, but better. In a different way. And that is exactly what they are.
While I am looking forward to the days where I am able to accomplish a little bit more, I will miss these days when he needs me oh-so much.
Thanks for sharing in my little chunk of love with me. I posted a video of him giggling on instagram and facebook last night, and it’s pretty much the reason that I get absolutely nothing done everyday. Can I make this my ringtone? I’m doing it.
P.S. this is his sweetest I-just-woke-up face. He looks like an old man and I love it. My little elderly dude.