life with max: weeks 16 through 22.
WHERE IS THE TIME GOING?!
Is my baby still a baby? It’s going way to fast. I want to simultaneously bawl and giggle and smile and frown. These are definitely the most bittersweet moments of my life.
Yes yes, of course I wanted to write about Max sooner but I never want to do it at the expense of spending time with him. You know? Annnnnnd since my baby boy doesn’t know the glory of sleep yet (wait… I also don’t know the glory of sleep, soooo maybe that’s my gene), we spend LOTS of time together. Lots and lots and lots.
Milk parties every night! The best kind of parties. (We watch a lot of trash TV at 2AM, ahem.)
I don’t know how, but this child is so happy. He is so smiley, so wonderful, so giggly, so pleasant. For a baby who doesn’t care to sleep much, he is rarely fussy. And I feel so lucky and blessed and too lucky and wonder why I get him. Does that make sense? I totally don’t think I deserve him! He gets more fun every single day.
Just like you guys told me, we get more and more obsessed with him each and every day. He does something new every single day. We never want to leave him. I never want to put him down. Granted these days, I’m not holding him AS much as I was back in the early weeks (remember when I truly never put him down?!) but I always want to be cuddling him.
Some days are harder than others with the lack-of-sleep thing. But you know what? I actually… don’t care. I actually… sort of don’t mind. He hasn’t slept through the night yet but I don’t stress about it too much. I know these moments are passing by so fast. By how little I slept before he came along, I can only imagine that in 30 years I’ll be sleeping five hours a night and be awake and wishing I could cuddle a little baby around 4AM. I want to cry just thinking about how much I will miss it.
Even though I’m soaking up each and every moment, it still doesn’t feel like I’m soaking them up ENOUGH. Like I can’t get enough of him. I can’t eat his little cheeks enough and kiss him enough and inhale his baby scent enough. I can never, ever get enough of him!
What is this face? It kills me.
Why is a baby so funny? How does a baby make me laugh? THINGS ARE SO WEIRD.
Let’s see. I’m going to do a favorites post here soon, but lots of things have happened in the last six weeks.
Around six weeks ago, Max started rolling from back to front. Then he rolled from front to back by accident which scared the crap out of him and he had a major meltdown. It was hilarious. I’m constantly amazed at how he grabs for things and holds things and wants to put every single thing in his mouth. All he wants to do is stand up. He has the most gigantic smile ever and sometimes smiles over his eyelashes. It makes me want to melt.
He dyed Easter eggs for the first time!
We did an Easter photo shoot. He wore a bow tie. I died.
Clearly he still doesn’t love clothes.
We talk to each other all day long. I sing the most ridiculously songs and say things in voices that would make my former self cringe.
We’ve gone out a BUNCH! The three of us, but also just the two of us – me and Max. It’s still difficult but I take him places almost every day. Obviously it’s easier if it’s a leisurely trip, but I still find it difficult to do things like run quick errands because, um, hello – nothing is quick at this point in life. That’s the biggest struggle for me and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
We’ve gone shopping! For him and me. Shopping for him is much more fun.
Especially when it includes SHADES.
This boy never, ever lets go of his feet and toes. He shoves them in his mouth and holds them constantly, my little yoga babe.
His hair is getting curly! I think this might be one of the only traits he has from me. I have naturally wavy hair and now he has a curly little faux hawk. Um, are we ever going to be able to discipline this child?
I made him wear denim on denim. I told you I have zero fashion sense.
I’ve done some minimal meal prep on Sundays which has made life a lot easier throughout the week. Just some easy things for breakfast and lunch and snacks so I don’t grab garbage to eat all day.
Um, something not so hot – I got mastitis. Oh my freaking gosh. It was the sickest I have ever been in my life, and yes I am dramatic but this is no drama. I would rather go through child birth multiple times than have that ever again. I couldn’t hold one thing down and couldn’t eat or drink more than sips of gatorade for three days. At one point I really thought I was dying. This is totally not fair for moms! I couldn’t even hold Max, so Eddie would set him in my lap to eat. The bright side of this was that during those three days, Max totally fell in love with Eddie. Not like he wasn’t before, but you know… he is so used to me all day long and then with nursing, well, he’s attached.
Now? He is looking for Eddie all day long. Seriously. It is the cutest thing. When Eddie comes home he lifts up his head and giggles. When he leaves in the morning, he stares at the bedroom door for like five full minutes. When he hears his voice, he lights up. Eddie used to tear up before just looking at Max, and now it’s like ten-fold since they are BFFs.
GUYS. The shrieking and squealing. Whoa. He shrieks and squeals so much all day long that sometimes I have NO idea how he has any voice left at all. He loves to hear himself squeal and yell! Is he telling me how annoying I am and to please stop exploiting him on the internet?
I have to say that I feel a LOT better about things than I did a few weeks ago. I’m still in a slight identity crisis. I still feel lonely at times, I still am very torn about my passion for my job but the time and passion I have for this little guy. I still have so much that I want to do but unfortunately, very little time to do it. It is the best lesson for me in learning to pick and choose what is important and learning to manage my time better. I never want to sacrifice time with him because I know these are the most cherished days and what I will remember the most. Nothing much has changed since I last wrote, besides the fact that six weeks have past and I’m six weeks deeper into this new life, learning about myself and him and how things go now. What’s important, what’s not, when it’s okay to say no to things and why it’s important to look at the bigger picture.
Do I sound like a broken record? Totally.
Baby toes are the best snack. Who am I even?!?!
TWINNING on Mother’s Day!
Know what’s crazy? I still want 10 kids. I said it immediately after birth and I still feel that way. Maybe not ten since I started a little late, but I want more. I want to experience the birth again (am I insane?) and this craziness and love and see Max with brothers and sisters and give him built-in best friends.
I realize that I am very lucky in having a good experience this time around and I even get nervous writing about it because I know that it is not easy all the time and isn’t always like this for everyone else. I never want to alienate anyone with my words but I want to give an honest account of this time in my life. And it’s important for me, because I’ve said it many times: I did not think it would be like this. I thought it would be scary and horrible and that I was way too immature and all that stuff. And yes, those things apply but keeping a positive attitude has made this experience incredible. You know? I seriously have to thank YOU guys because you told me to do that – to stay positive and realize that things will be different, but better. In a different way. And that is exactly what they are.
While I am looking forward to the days where I am able to accomplish a little bit more, I will miss these days when he needs me oh-so much.
Thanks for sharing in my little chunk of love with me. I posted a video of him giggling on instagram and facebook last night, and it’s pretty much the reason that I get absolutely nothing done everyday. Can I make this my ringtone? I’m doing it.
P.S. this is his sweetest I-just-woke-up face. He looks like an old man and I love it. My little elderly dude.
39 Comments on “life with max: weeks 16 through 22.”
You make motherhood sound so fun and beautiful. As a person, who is like so scared to do this, it makes it so much more appealing. Haha. But seriously, you make it sound like the beautiful, loving experience it should be.
This is EXACTLY what I wanted to say in response to this post. I am oh so terrified of becoming a mother but think I want it, but maybe not, but probably, and when I read this post, I thought…YES, i can do this! Congratulations on your handsome and adorable and sweet little chunk of love! You are very blessed and I love reading your thoughts about him. He is lucky to have such a good momma!
I’ve always thought that I wanted kids, but the way you write about kids and parenting is just so absolutely and thoroughly beautiful that it makes me know for sure that I wanna have kids and I want to be as wonderful at being a mother as you are.
Keep those baby giggles coming! I love hearing them and it makes me even more excited for our little guy! Being 17 weeks I am finally in my feel good stage of pregnancy and feeling human again. With all the experiences you write here, I can’t wait for those moments with him and to experience what truly matters in life! Such a fun stage for you and Max!
Oh my goodness, I want to put his giggles on my phone as the ring tone! Max is truly one of the most adorable little babies i have even seen…the best expressions ever. Thanks for the update…sweet reading for sure.
Your baby updates make me so happy…the joy you experience is infectious. And I have two now, and I totally get the wanting to experience birth again. It’s magical, despite the intensity and pain. Definitely hope we get to do this a few more times!
Love, love, love this update. I’ve been waiting forever for you to post a new one!!!!!! Max is getting SOOOO big. His face has changed too. He is just so darned cute!!!!! I can see how you can’t get enough of him!! Please keep updating, I look forward to hearing how you’re doing!! Oh, and by the way, I’m on day 171 of no smoking!!!! :)
Baby updates are the best, I love them. Thank you for sharing your world. Max’s giggles are the cutest ever.
What Lynda said above: YES!! LOVE these updates and seriously check every.single.day for them. He is flipping adorable/cute/such a freaking ham. I don’t know you guys except for the blog and I’m totally in love, hah! I’m also nowhere even CLOSE to even thinking about being a mother yet but I’ve known it’s always 100% what I want to do in my life and this just re-affirms it times a million thousand billion. YAY BABIES!
Neon Moccasins?! OMG he IS your son!!
Max is one gorgeous baby! Im so happy for your blessings :)
Thanks so much for the update
YAY! A baby Max post! I think this was my favorite so far. I love him so much! Glad you’re soaking up each moment. I think you are awesome.
Yipppeeee another update! I can’t handle the cuteness of these photos and Max’s outfits! I’m expecting a boy at the end of July and I can’t wait for ALL of this. A mother’s love is like no other… plus I want to play dress up :)
i love these posts so much!! It gives me so much to look forward to when my little love muffin gets here and I just want to kiss his little cheeks!
These posts are my fav.
I’m currently expecting our first boy and you make me SO EXCITED to have a little guy. I get so nervous but so excited I can’t breathe sometimes. #momthings
Max is the best. Seriously. Thanks for sharing a glimpse of him with us :)
He’s adorable! I still don’t think I could ever be a mother…I just don’t feel like I have that natural instinct. i’m so happy for you!!
Perspective and attitude are everything! Because motherhood is a huge thing–life changing, challenging, amazing, and incredible.
YOU HAVE THE CUTEST MOST ADORABLE BABY IN EXISTENCE
He is the sweetest baby I have ever seen. OMG <3 <3 <3 Love love love your posts about Max. I am not even going to admit how many times I have watched that video of him laughing and giggling squealing. Too cute for words. The insane amount of love you and Eddie have for Max is so so so apparent.
Honestly, I never care about babies… I’m an anomaly; a seriously weird I’m-just-not-into-babies kind of girl… but YOUR. KID. Seriously, while my boyfriend agrees that he’s ridiculously cute, he’s also like, “Why are you always showing me pictures of this kid? Whose is that again??” Haha… and I’m insta-stalking your husband because of all the adorable pictures (and those captions!!) he posts of little Max. I don’t even want my own kids, but I kind of want yours. Just for a day…
I promise I’m not crazy.
I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a few years now and have to say, your posts on Max seriously help me keep the positive attitude I try so hard to maintain! I know being a mom is HARD and something I won’t understand until I am one, but it’s so touching to read about the love you feel for that precious babe… not that I don’t empathize with mom’s having a harder time, but sometimes it seems that’s all you read about!. It’s all worth it right? The stress of getting pregnant and how hard it is once they’re here. Love seeing how your life has changed with him, don’t stop sharing pretty please. :)
ashley. thank you, thank you, thank you for this wonderfully kind comment. i’m so sorry you are having a tough time – i often struggle with writing these posts because i don’t want to alienate anyone. so it means the world to me that you are enjoying these, even if we are in different situations at the moment! i will be thinking of you. xoxoxo
I am BAWLING. I don’t know why this post made me cry so much. I’m not sad, these are happy tears. I don’t know how you do it all. I’m trying to start a blog but the social media aspect and all that jazz seems so daunting. How you make amazing meals and care for your family is amazing to me. You’re like superwoman. I want to know how you organize your life because you seem to be doing so well at it.
I read this article and immediately thought of you and your “identity crisis” with your work. Great read on having babies later in life! http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/05/i-was-a-proud-non-breeder-i-changed-my-mind.html?mid=emailshare_thecut
I love reading your baby updates! I’m glad you’re soaking all the moments up — it’s the best and something I felt I really only got with my first baby since after the first your attention is divided. But divided in a good way! I just wanted to tell you that your identity *will* come back. It will. I so remember that feeling! It happens sorta gradually, but you get to a point where you just discover one day that hey, you’ve got a great balance going on! And then bam, you’re pregnant again, ha ha. But, I promise, that identity crisis is real, and it *does* get better, and you’re not far off from it. Thanks for sharing little Max with us! He’s a seriously cute little guy!
I love to read these updates because they sound so much like me. I just started back to work and I’m so envious of moms who get to stay at home with their little ones… At the same time, I’m so glad that I get to maintain my identity by coming to work. That’s not to say that SAHMs can’t/don’t maintain their sense of self AT ALL – I just know that for me personally, I would have a much harder time… I’ve always been terrible with balancing things like that. It’s also nice to read about someone who is having such an AWESOME experience with parenting! I was trying to describe to a friend who doesn’t have children the other day what it’s like and struggled for how to explain. It’s such a big, big feeling that every day I find myself wondering how I could possibly have my heart stretch more to accommodate the love for my little girl. It’s epic. Every day, despite how little sleep, how frustrating, how overwhelming, I feel my heart grow…
Please keep updating! My baby is a couple months behind where Max is so it’s like getting a head start on what the next milestones will look like!
I love these posts. Max is just too cute, Enjoy every minute on your own terms. Keep being positive. My son is 8 now and I still feel like he was a baby yesterday! Every stage has its pluses and minuses. I love how he is so much more independent, but they still need and want you at this age. I started late in life and only have one child. I was terrified of having a kid. It makes your life so different but so good different :) Keep being you and enjoy the ride!
I LOVE that picture of the two of you on Mother’s Day!!! you look so beautiful :) I look forward to all of these posts so so much. Our babe’s are roughly 8 weeks apart, and your posts give me a glimpse of what I have to look forward to in the coming weeks :) love love!
i so adore reading your updates about Max :) you have such a beautiful family, and you write from the heart – it’s as if we all get to experience it with you!
…and his faux hawk? OMG SO PERFECT ::)
So so sweet. <3
Eeesh. I am just getting to this post now! It’s been like a month? I am also having a pretty good experience as a first time mom. It is hard as hell, but ugh, the love. My heart is breaking at all times, but it’s a good hurt. They are just so sweet. Mine is totally a mama’s boy, but now that he is older you can see he is trying to learn more about dad. Freaking cutest thing ever. Looking forward to the next Max update. And thank you for the reminder to think positively. This week kicked my ass. But! It’s almost Friday. :)
He is such a cutie. Yes things can get hairy but knowing that tomorrow and even the next hour will be different can be so empowering.
This. ALL OF THIS.
I have a little guy, born just a couple of weeks after yours and you said it all. I’m obsessed. How can I be more obsessed today than I was yesterday? It’s possible though. People at work (I have to leave and work every day waahhhh) ask how he is and how motherhood is and my response every time is either, “awesome” or “amazing” I once had someone say no seriously…how is it? I love every second, even the hard seconds and the exhausting seconds. Because, that smile, and that high pitch screech (how do they do that??) just makes it absolutely worth it.
The way he starts kicking and moving his arms and has a big smile and freaks out as soon as I walk in from work and say hi to him? Is almost worth working all day. I can’t get enough of him and I’m happy someone put into words what I feel every day.
I am amazed by this little boy every.single.day.
After reading this, I’m dying to get home even more than I was 10 minutes ago.
I LOVE how much you love your son! I love reading about it. I love your blog. And your son is so super adorably cute! His hair.. Like Jack-Jack from The Incredibles. I have a son too who’s going to be a year old in 3 weeks! I totally get it when you say you don’t want him to grow up but you do, and how it makes you feel happy but sad.
Anyway, hope you keep spreading the positivity because God knows the world needs it!
The cuteness of your baby is unreal, even my husband when I show him your Instagram feed with Max, he’s like “uh uh, how is this child so cute?” And I mean, he’s a dude. Enjoy your baby and love him and love his love!!! I’m so happy I follow your blog! :-)
I started following your blog when you first wrote that 3200 words about being pregnant and have been following it closely, mostly to see the updates about your pregnancy and the baby.
I am 12 weeks pregnant and am eager to see how Max is doing.
Where are the updates???
Love, love, love your blog! Keep up the awesome work!!
You sound like such a wonderful mom! You’re right, newborns can be so hard so it’s awesome you’re having such a great time. I have a 4 and 2 year old and am now 11 weeks pregnant and I was very nervous about going through baby-hood again since I’m a few years removed already. This gets me excited again :)
We were in labor at the same time, and I saw your Instagram post announcing Max’s birth while I was still in the hospital. Mine was born the day after yours. These words are EXACTLY what I’m going through every single day! It’s difficult to go on and on to people about the best thing in your life without being annoying, but you managed to do it well. Thanks for sharing.
I remember all the feels. I’m a year past this phase and now my baby is a toddler and talking and taking things to the trash when I ask him to and it’s amazing. We still cuddle. Now he kisses me and says, “I love you.” It’s wonderful, and yet I’m still sad that he’s growing up! I can hardly believe he’ll be 2 soon. But…he’s got a little sister coming in November, so I get to do it all over again with a NEW one! Blessings to you, Jessica!