How is this little love four months old?!

emilia at four months I

Mind = blown.

Her little personality is killing me. It has come out SO much in the last few weeks. She looks at us with this gigantic happy, funny smile constantly. She is just so hilarious! She makes Max and me laugh all day long. I just about fall over because her eyes light up when she sees me.

And I still can’t believe that I have a girl! I’m getting used to it and my Target bill would probably agree.

So this is what’s new with us this month!

The last two weeks we’ve been struggling with sleep big time! I don’t know if it’s the four month sleep regression or what. I guess that it is. On Sunday, she slept for eight hours but other than that, the last two weeks she has been waking up every hour or two and screaming her head off. Breaks my heart! Also, we’re exhausted.

Emilia still LOVES to be swaddled. Like loves it. She can be frantically crying and not responding to anything else, and then if you swaddle her tightly (I still use the halo sleep sacks!) and give her a pacifier, she is instantly soothed! She loves to be swaddled tightly. I’m pretty sure Max was done with swaddling at this point, so that’s interesting. They are such different babies even though they look identical.

emilia 4 months I

Way back when I was pregnant with Max and didn’t know if I was having a boy or a girl, my mom and I would talk about the differences. She’d tell me about her experiences with me (the oldest) and my two brothers. And she always said “boys are different! They are just so cuddly!”

I obviously had nothing to compare this to. Max was an INSANE snuggler and he still is. He asks me multiple times a day if we can snuggle. He loves to be cuddly and it’s amazing.

Emilia is completely different! She loves when we hold her but she doesn’t snuggle. I try to get her to fall asleep on my chest and she just pops her head up and smiles at me. She doesn’t like to be rocked to sleep and doesn’t really comfort nurse either. She was to be held but she wants to look right at you and talk and squeal. It’s adorable.

emilia 4 months I

She still eats like a champ and goes about three to four hours between feedings, then around six to eight at night.

One of the things I think about often (like, every day) is how I’m just so afraid of her growing up and not liking her body. I adore every little inch of her SO SO SO much that it makes me want to bawl thinking that she may not love her arms or legs or belly or chin or whatever.

My mom was amazing at this and still has the healthiest mindset I know when it comes to food and eating in general (even if she eats cake for breakfast) and I’m hoping this can happen for us too! I tear up every single day because I am so afraid of this.

emilia 4 months I

One of the things that melts my heart is how she responds to Max. They are obsessed with each other already and it’s surprising to me. I mean, I guess I didn’t have any idea what it would be like. But when I think about it, she is around Max 24/7 too. So whenever she sees him, she lights up and it’s adorable. She is so intrigued by the things he says and does. She can watch him for a solid five minutes just giggling and is so interested in what he is doing!

On the flip side, he is wonderful with her. I definitely say “get off your sister’s head!” about 64 times per day, but he is never rough. He loves to kiss her, touch her little bald head (which is probably why he is so drawn to it) and play with her. He is just dying for her to be old enough to play! When he wakes up in the morning or from a nap, the first question is usually “where’s our baby?!” Yes. He thinks Emilia is his baby.

Life constantly looks like this.

emilia 4 months I

Only real problem that we have is that Max hates when she is asleep. So he CONSTANTLY tries to wake her up, whether it’s if she is upstairs in the crib with the sound machine on or if she falls asleep in the swing randomly. I try to keep him as occupied as I can but he will just yell “baby Emilia!” and it’s both infuriating and adorable.

So, things are pretty wonderful and amazing! I still have no idea how to do life with two kids. Last night I took Max to skating lessons with his shoes on the wrong feet and also left a door unlocked and feel like my brain is constantly ticking off the millions of things we have to do, but I love it.

It’s SO weird to me that this I never knew this is exactly what I wanted. I think I’ve mentioned before that I didn’t grow up loving to babysit other kids and I didn’t absolutely LOVE kids (that sounds horrible, but I think you know what I mean), so I am still just so overwhelmed with how obsessed I am with my kids. I want to be with them all the time.

This probably works well for us because since I am self-employed, I have something of my own going on. The only thing I really struggle with is that I love my work and want to work all the time, but I love my kids and want to be with them all the time. Many people ask why I don’t have more childcare and it’s because I want to do these everyday things! They are going by so fast and I am already sad for the day when I don’t have babies at home anymore. I love doing everything and wish that I could do every single thing. Can I clone myself?

emilia 4 months I

I don’t say this to be like “blah blah blah my life is so wonderful!” but I say it because it’s still just so different from what I expected. Like it’s so interesting to me that this is so much more amazing and fun and wonderful that I expected. Don’t get me wrong, I send Eddie approximately 12 texts each week about how I’m having a breakdown and how on earth can I clean up this mess/get both to nap/get my work done/make dinner/live life in general that isn’t covered in spit up, buuuuut in the grand scheme of things, I love this.

And I seriously want 13 kids. Should have started earlier!