life with emilia: two weeks in.
I can’t even believe this little peanut has been with us for over two weeks now!
And I still can’t believe that it’s a girl. I think I am still in shock every day that we had a girl. Crazy crazy! Max and I call her little peanuts or little munchkin because she is still just SO tiny. I want to eat her up. I don’t know how my heart can expand so much!
So let’s see. How are things?
She is a dream. She sleeps SO MUCH. I guess I was just super concerned with having a newborn at home when Max was born and didn’t realize how much he slept – or it was just such a huge adjustment that I was flipped over it and missed him sleeping this much. But Eddie and I both swear that Max NEVER slept this much.
Since she has been such a sleepy little bug, I feel like I barely have anything to update about her! She is just pure perfection. I snuggle her as much as I can during the day and Max has been wonderful about it. I have managed to perfect the snuggling of her on my chest and Max under one arm. When she sleeps, he and I still get to play together a lot. Actually, more than we have normally since I’m just relaxed and not up working. He constantly wants to hold her and show her his toys which is just too cute.
Nursing is going so well again which I’m thankful for. I was afraid maybe I just got lucky with Max and that is came easily to us. But it’s going so well again and gosh I love it so much. I still can’t believe how much I love it, how calming it is (for both of us) and the amazing skin on skin bond. It makes me tear up!
The one adjustment with nursing has been that (as a nurse pointed out in the hospital!) I was used to nursing an older baby – like more used to nursing Max last year, who could hold up his head, have more control, etc. I was being lazy with holding her (that sounds weird but you might know what I mean) and that resulted in some major pain with her latching, but once I was more cognizant of how she had to be positioned and what not, we worked it out. Right now, she is eating every two to three hours, but occasionally gives me a longer stretch at night. She is so cuddly that I can hardly take it.
And yes, I am still sleeping so much more now at night than I did with Max. I mean I want to stay up and watch her the entire night. I don’t want to take my eyes off her. I don’t even want to set her down because… the cuddles! And I actually love when she wakes up because I want to hold her and snuggle her and never let her go! It’s like the little bit of time that we have for just the two of us. GAH.
Not that this isn’t an adjustment. Oh holy crap, it is such a huge huge huge adjustment, the whole going from one kid to two kids thing. It is super HARD. The first week and into the beginning of the second week, I thought I was losing my mind. I said to Eddie last week that it was the first time I ever wished that he worked from home or was home with me all day. Normally we’d never be able to stand that but I wanted to beg him to stay home every single day at first.
These hormones have been WILD since having her. The emotional highs and lows have been so much more intense than when I was pregnant, but I do remember them being this way after I had Max. One thing that I feel was different here is that almost immediately after the birth, I started feeling the hormones and the baby blues. With Max, it wasn’t until about two weeks later that I really felt them. I researched it a little (um and by that I mean I googled it like a psycho) and learned that maybe it came on so quickly because of how her birth went! Who knows.
For me, the baby blues don’t (or at least, they didn’t with Max and haven’t yet here) manifest in sad or depressive feelings – but more so of a holy-crap-I’m-so-overwhelmed feeling. Like I would want people to come over, then I’d immediately get overwhelmed and want them to leave. Or I’d think I could do a few things, then instantly get overwhelmed and have to quit. The first six or seven days I was just like OMG.
HOW ON EARTH CAN I DO THIS.
HOW DO PEOPLE HAVE TWO KIDS AND SURVIVE?
OMG, HOW DO PEOPLE HAVE MORE THAN TWO KIDS?!
I AM NEVER GOING TO SURVIVE THIS!
MY HOUSE WILL NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIN!
HOW THE HELL WILL I EVER GET A TODDLER TO NAP IN THIS SITUATION OMG OMG OMG.
I AM LIVING INSIDE A TORNADO NAMED MAX WITH CARS ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
And all sorts of feelings like that. I mean it was hilarious and terrifying and hard and like WHAT THE HECK. At the same time, I still felt physically rough, like my hips had been separated or something at this birth. I would just keep thinking HOW DID MY MOM DO THIS (and she had three of us) and I think I asked her that about 56 times. And she would kind of laugh and be like JESS IT HAS BEEN THREE DAYS! RELAX.
During that week, I thought I would never feel normal again. It was crazy. So crazy. And funny to think that I was so dramatically nuts in thinking I’d never feel human again.
And then. Last week, on Wednesday, it was like I woke up and magically turned a corner. I have no idea how or why. My body felt physically better and I felt emotionally and mentally so much better, and nothing had really changed so all I can attribute it to is those hormones slowly decreasing or something. I have felt so, so good ever since, even though right now I’ve had very little sleep in the last 48 hours – and I feel like a person. A HUMAN!
The key is just getting us up and doing things and living life, but not pushing it. I remember not being worried about cleaning the house at ALL when Max was born, but I didn’t have a toddler tornado blowing through. This time around, I’m definitely more stressed over the state of our home (hello toys EVERYWHERE) but know that again, this is a once-in-a-lifetime moment of snuggling with little ones and I don’t want to waste it on worrying about a clean house.
I managed to get the three of us out of the house on Friday and go to the mall, even though it took me over three hours to get us out – ha! Such a cliché but so true and we had such a good time, although I probably wouldn’t have survived without my cousin and mom and aunt. I mean, I never would have. I’d need, like, three more hands.
It’s just so hard to believe how FAST this time is flying again. It’s like when I had Max and felt time passing so quickly and just wanted it to slow down so badly. I’m living these days and already missing them when they are over. I know it sounds insane but I can even feel how much I will miss these days in the future.
Ahhh but it’s the best feeling.