I’m in a phase.
I tweeted about it yesterday.
It’s a phase where I currently don’t like anything I make.
And no, I don’t mean “anything I make” in the sense of food and recipes. But yes, those are partly included in there too. Perhaps I should be saying everything I CREATE. Because that’s how it goes. Everything I create I’m just all… noooooooo.
I’m not talking about a recipe not tasting good. I’ve made plenty of recipes that we’ve eaten lately and loved (though I will say I made some truly AWFUL chicken last Thursday and Eddie scarfed it down like a pro before begging me to never make it again. He’s better than me: I wouldn’t even touch it and opted for eggs instead.), but few things are wowing me.
In a world where everything has been done before and then done again, this time even better by someone else, probably for pinterest purposes, I’m wondering what it will take to jolt me out of this funk.
So I thought, why not go back to my vision board? The thing is, I look at it every morning. It’s right in my bedroom and one of the first things I see when I wake up. The other thing is (apparently today I have a lot of things today) that I’m not even feeling uninspired! My recipe notebook is filled with FOUR gigantic pages right now – every line filled with tons of things I want to make. My running list on my phone is filled with even more. I’m inspired, I swear!
I just look at them all with a big fat MEH.
As far as writing goes, I’m writing for approximately three minutes, then spending the next ten peeling off my nail polish while I think about how much I hate what I just wrote. When I’m photographing all the things, I feel all the feelings about it, starting with UGH. Why does all my stuff have to look the same.
And why does everything I’m creating seem… THE SAME.
This isn’t even an issue of getting down on myself – it’s more of a why-doesn’t-this-seem-like-my-best-work kind of issue.
This isn’t even an issue of comparison, because while that’s occasionally a real life thing, long ago I learned that if I want to do this type of thing, it’s gotta be all me – all things I crazy stupid love.
I’m not sad or mad or bored, I’m just underwhelmed and more MEH.
I think this all is a thing, right? It must be a thing. A real thing. That happens to real people. People like you? What do you do? I think I need a change of scenery and some WARM WEATHER and to be outside.
In a funny way, I’m sick of myself. You prob get it. I’m sure you’ve been quite sick of me before. I really actually like myself but I’m sick of myself and would like to take a break from myself. Can I take a vaca from my myself?
This is a season and I am just pushing through. It’s nothing new, I’m just whining about it today. It happens fairly often but every time it happens I forget that it happened before and feel like I’m stuck in a bubble on the ocean. And it only lasts for what is most likely mere moments before I’m back to normal things.
Also, I’m in a phase where I’m tempted to eat grocery store sushi for lunch but girl. I know better than that. (sometimes)
Instead, I’ve been making wonderful sandwiches.
In other happenings, within the last week we watched The Great Gatsby, The Wolf of Wall Street and American Hustle. I now feel forced to call everyone “old sport,” my intense 1997 crush on Leo D has returned which makes me wonder how he is even a real person, I hope and pray that no one under the age of 25 has seen any of that wall street movie business because I’m an old lady and I’m quite tempted to pile my hair on top of my head in curls like J Law circa 1978.
Somebody get me a reese’s peanut butter egg. (please)