Oh hi. Guess what day it is?! Annual recipe disasters day!

2019 recipe disasters

It’s been almost a decade since I first tried to rhyme – about my recipe fails over 12 months of time.

This year is no different, it’s embarrassingly true – if you even knew how any groceries I go through! 

This year was tricky since I’m writing a book – tons and tons of recipes that don’t let me off the hook! 

There’s nothing I love more than sharing the mishaps with you even if it makes me want to bid cooking adieu.

Now I probably should have saved the best for last – here’s a secret above from Thanksgiving – thank god it’s in the past.

This is what the turkey that we smoked came out like! It’s amazing I didn’t go on a huge kitchen strike.

No! But really, it was actually funny – a winner! Especially when our guests saw it and thought it was dinner.

It’s definitely a memory we will talk about for years and shockingly I wasn’t in a puddle of tears. 

2019 recipe disasters

I tried to stuff chicken with broccoli and cheese 

It all seeped out the sides and was not much of a feast.

Have you ever seen something so… liquidy and gross?

I wanted to flip and I almost came close. 

2019 recipe disasters

Oh! Then I tried to make you cauliflower waffles

They’re as trendy as they sound and kinda remind me of falafel.

But they stuck to the iron and ruined my appliance

It’s probably not helpful that I know nothing about food science.

2019 recipe disasters

I was super excited to swirl fresh strawberries in cake

But they disappeared and disintegrated and made my heart ache.

The cake tasted like nothing and it looked like it too

I’ve yet to master this and need a bigtime breakthrough. 

2019 recipe disasters

Then I tried to make a steak and it resembled salisbury 

It’s actually poivre and not at all scary! 

But unfortunately, we all eat with our eyes 

And this could only be saved by a big pile of fries. 

2019 recipe disasters

More strawberry fails! They’re such a disgrace

I tried out a danish and it was a slap in the face.

It wasn’t special or delicious or even inviting

And definitely wasn’t anything I would be biting. 

2019 recipe disasters

This chicken was brilliant, I need it to work!

It’s stuffed with pimento cheese, that’s the big perk. 

But it oozed everywhere, all over the pan 

And it made it even impossible for me to be a fan. 

2019 recipe disasters

A few weeks ago, I mixed pasta and kale

In a one pot pumpkin dish that was just a huge fail.

I mean seriously, look at it! It just makes me brood

And honestly looks like a puddle of jarred baby food.

2019 recipe disasters

Then there was that time I miscalculated 

The salad dressing in a jar after we all waited

To eat this for lunch, we were so excited!

The idea of this was very short sighted. 

2019 recipe disasters

I tried to make pink donuts for valentine’s day

I used pitaya powder and they were practically gray!

They had zero flavor, their shape was so weird

And an awful donut is what we all fear. 

2019 recipe disasters

Right before I made those puff pastry twists

I used the filling in this and burnt it to a crisp.

It wasn’t as bad as the turkey above

But it certainly wasn’t something I could love.

2019 recipe disasters

I’ve made plenty of dishes that look quite offensive. 

And they actually taste good! Then I’m apprehensive

Of how I can make them seem remotely appealing. 

So the first look doesn’t send everyone reeling. 

2019 recipe disasters

Thanks for following along with my annual fails!

It makes me so happy that you don’t want bail

When I make all the food that we can’t even eat

Hearing from you is such a fun treat!

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